Decisions and Visions
by Defiant.Anjeru
Summary: Anvi Shepard will find a way. The Reapers will no longer be a threat...even if she has to die. Her companions are unwilling to give up so easily. Fix-it fic for end of ME3 - Post ME3. Shenko! Discontinued; undergoing a massive rewrite. See Author's Note.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** My first attempt at Mass Effect fanfiction, but I could not let it end where it did. END of Mass Effect 3, and post-game. It needed to be fixed! I will have a happy ending, Bioware! Even if I have to write it.

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><p>Anvi Shepard stood and stared at something she knew was beyond her comprehension. The child…the catalyst, it was giving her choices. The child she had failed to save the day she'd escaped from Earth – hour Zero – when the Reapers had finally arrived to destroy them all. Perhaps it chose this form to torment her; she'd been dreaming of him, and all the others she couldn't save.<p>

Mordin. Legion. Thane.

Her parents on Mindoir, her squad on Akuze, the people of Earth, the Asari on Thessia, all those that had suffered at the hands of Cerberus; would her torment never cease? So many…was it wrong to want to be selfish after so much death?

"You must choose."

Its' voice brought her silver-blue eyes back to rest upon its' form. "I die to control the Reapers…I fuse all Synthetic and Organic life…or I die to destroy not just the Reapers, but all Synthetic life in the Galaxy, as well as the Mass Relays?" It nodded and she found herself laughing bitterly, though the action caused her to grimace in pain. "You really don't give easy choices, do you?"

"It is an imperative choice you cannot forsake. The cycle keeps the chaos at bay."

"At bay? _At bay?_" Shepard threw out an arm to indicate the massive battle occurring around them. "Does this look like the chaos is at bay? _You _are creating chaos!"

"No." The child shook his head. "You misunderstand."

She snorted. "No, _you _misunderstand." A bloody hand was raked through her purple strands of hair. "Yeah, we have war, yeah, we fight – but in the end we always find peace! When we discovered the Mass Relays, we had war with the Turians, now look! They willingly stand at my side – at all of the Galaxy's side – to bring destruction to those who would wipe us out of existence! I brought peace to the Quarians and the Geth who had been at war for _centuries! There is always a way for peace!_"

"You have your choices for peace."

"No, no. Your choices…they are not peace, not really. I die to order the Reapers away and the Mass Relays are destroyed, leaving us all stranded and separate. I fuse together synthetics and organics, and destroy who we are. I destroy the Reapers, _all AI and synthetics_, and _still _leave the Galaxy separated, and our alien comrades stranded. No, I'm sorry. I can't allow it."

"You have no choice." The catalyst nearly scoffed at her denials.

"There is _always _a choice! I have lost too many friends to your damn cycle!" She groaned and fell back to sit on the white platform floor beneath her. "We weren't even in chaos when you came. You can glorify your solution anyway you want, but…"

She was cut off by a crackle of com communication. It was nothing but static at first, but eventually she could hear Kaidan calling out to her. _Kaidan…_

"Shepard! Please, answer me! Anvi, are you there?" He was worried; she could hear it. She had learned to catch the underlining tone in his voice that he tried so desperately to hide…until today. He'd grabbed her, kissed her, and in a broken voice, told her he couldn't lose her, not again.

"Kaidan…"

"She's alive! Thank the Goddess!" That was Liara, nearly in tears.

"Damn straight she is alive. I'm still kicking and she ain't going to that bar without me." Garrus. Even now he could make her smile. Her best friend.

"Listen to me…" Shepard coughed, then wiped the blood from her lips even as the Catalyst stood in silence and contemplated her. "The Catalyst…it's _something in _the Citadel…it's taken the form of a child."

"It is likely an AI," Tali said after a moment of radio silence.

"AI? Well, shit. If it leads the Reapers and created them, it's by far the most advanced AI I have ever heard of," James sighed and they all lapsed into silence again.

At least they were all safe. Maybe she could give her life, knowing that.

"What aren't you telling us, Shepard?" Kaidan was the first to voice what they all were feeling. That there was something going on that Shepard was withholding.

"You cannot waste your time; you must make your choice."

"I know that!" Shepard snapped, frustrated tears welling in her eyes. Think, think; there is always a way you _don't _see. "The Catalyst has given me three ways to end this; only one I will even _think _of allowing to happen…and even that is unlikely."

"Commander! We have to end it, Earth won't last much longer."

"I know that James…Kaidan I…where are you?" The last she remembered being with them, they had been making a mad dash for the beam when a Reaper laser had decimated the ground unit. Even she wasn't uninjured.

"The Citadel, Shepard. We followed through the beam though I fear it was too late. I have failed to get any response from Citadel control." EDI even sounded worried. Hell. Why shouldn't she?

"What ways?" His voice was stern. Kaidan. "You promised to be waiting for me, Shepard. I am holding you to that."

"I have to end this, Kaidan I'm sorry. I love you – I always have; I would keep that promise, if I could." She stood shakily and sucked in a breath. A nod to the Catalyst and then they began to make their way to the beam and two platforms; Shepard hobbled, mostly. God, she felt like death, but somehow she kept moving.

"No, no! Anvi, please, there has to be another way! You can't die, not again, I won't let you!" Kaidan screamed through the com and tears rolled down her cheeks. The others chimed in, telling her that this wasn't her only choice, but it was…wasn't it?

"Something is happening!" EDI exclaimed. "Something is reacting to the Crucible. I will connect with the Citadel."

"Do something, EDI. You always find ways out of these damn impossible situations," Shepard laughed softly; even in desperation, Garrus was trying to keep his cool.

"Don't worry so much, all of you…You can't escape from me so easily."

"That sounds more like the Shepard I know!" James exclaimed with a whoop. "Lola ain't going down without a fight!"

"The Crucible and Citadel have linked. Three consoles are available on the upper platform where I sense only one life sign. It must be Shepard." EDI was processing. Shepard could see her, standing at the Citadel control panel where she would be feverishly shuffling through panels. "These consoles; a separate control sequence is running through each if I could just…"

"What? What is it EDI?"

Time seemed so slow. She could hear them as she limped her way closer to her goal. It felt like hours, that short walk down the platform.

"The control sequences…"

"What about them!" Liara snapped impatiently and Shepard could just imagine her pushing EDI out of the way to look at the panels herself. "Oh Goddess…these…there is…what kind of choices are these?" There was a frantic burst of noise, as the information relayed between them and they all reacted in shock and disbelief.

"Yes…hard to believe it has come to this, isn't it?" Shepard turned her head as the Catalyst ceased moving and simply stood back now. It turned its eyes to the battle, watching as its' creations decimated the fleets Shepard had so desperately put together over the last several weeks. She steeled herself and turned to the left; the only way she could let this happen – she would not kill her friends, even her synthetic ones. She could make the Reapers disappear forever…if only she gave her life.

"Shepard is headed for Control Console Alpha – she means to give her life to gain control of the Reaper forces!" EDI exclaimed as Shepard made her way up to the incline toward the control rods that were now getting too close; it was too soon.

"Shepard! Anvi, NO! There has to be another way!"

"I'm sorry Kaidan…take care of everyone for me, will ya?"

"No, NO! Don't you _dare _say goodbye! You are not dying on us! _Not again! EDI DO SOMETHING!_"

"Hacking Control Console Alpha; attempting to disable program protocols. Disarming firewalls. Reaper code attempting to compensate."

"Thanks, EDI, for trying." Shepard smiled and set her pistol down on the floor. A couple of steps now. She reached out her hands for the rods, wincing as they burned at her flesh. It hurt, god, it hurt so much. _Leave, leave, leave, leave…leave forever! JUST LEAVE!_

"Shepard has connected to the Alpha console. It's sucking her life force into the program – it needs her life to power the protocols; in truth Shepard is the Catalyst!"

"_Just make it stop, EDI!_"

"I'm trying!"

Shepard fell to her knees. No, no. She couldn't let go. Not now. Not when she was close. She pulled herself back to her feet, even as the console burned the flesh from her hands.

"Look! The Reapers, they are leaving!"

"The Reapers have left through the relays now I am able…" Shepard couldn't hear the rest. The overwhelming relief that the Reapers had left was enough to make it feel like her death was worth something. Suddenly, the console exploded and Shepard was thrown back by the blast, landing with a scream of pain, the blackness sweeping over her. "Hold on Shepard."

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><p>"Shepard. Shepard. Commander Shepard, can you hear me?"<p>

Was she dead? That was Dr. Chakwas' voice, wasn't it? So much pain. And her hands…God, her hands hurt more than anything. If she was in so much pain, she couldn't be dead, could she?

"I need you to open your eyes, Commander."

Anvi let out a breath and slowly, her lashes lifted, and she had to wait for the blurriness to pass before she could make out of her old friend leaning over her. "Doctor…?"

"Excellent! You are still with us." The doctor ran her omni tool over the laid out form of Shepard, taking in life sign readings and damage reports.

"What…What happened? I…"

"Shhh, Commander. You succeeded. The Reapers are gone and won't be coming back."

"How…?"

"Very simple, Shepard." The med doors opened and EDI walked through with Kaidan at her side. His warm amber eyes were on Shepard and the commander could see how much strength he was using to keep himself from her in this moment. No doubt he had thought he had lost her. They all had.

"EDI?"

Her ship's AI made her way toward the medical bed where Shepard laid, Kaidan coming to stand just beside her. He laid his hand on the Shepard's dyed hair, affectionately and comfortingly stroking the strands with his strong, battle hardened hands. "You did it, Anvi."

"But I was supposed to…and the relays…?"

"I disabled the protocols of the Catalyst's programming, Shepard. It was a far more advanced AI than I have ever seen, or any species has seen. There is no telling when it was created, or by who. You took control long enough for the Reapers to leave and before the shockwave went out, to fully absorb you and destroy the relays, I adjusted the console to overload. In the end, it is still just a machine."

Shepard laughed softly. "Garrus was right – you always manage to find a way, EDI. Thank you."

"There is no need to thank me, Shepard. You are the one who saved the Galaxy from the Reapers."

Kaidan smiled and turned slightly. "Do you mind giving us the room for a few?"

"Of course, Kaidan. I will even mute the sound if that is preferable."

"Heh, thanks EDI. I would appreciate that."

EDI and Chakwas left the room and Kaidan moved away long enough to pull a chair to Shepard's bedside. He took her bandaged hand gently, frowning when she winced. "Does it hurt?"

Shepard nodded. "The rods…they were literally…god, I don't even know."

"Dr. Chakwas said she applied as much medi gel as she could, but Shepard, she isn't certain if your skin will heal completely. Your hands will likely be scarred pretty bad." Kaidan set her hand down and scooted closer, stroking her hair again. "That was reckless, Anvi."

"When haven't I been reckless?" They both chuckled and he sighed, leaning to press his brow to hers, his eyes tightly closed. "Kaidan?"

"Too close…" he whispered, almost brokenly. "I came too close to losing you…again. God, Anvi, I don't know what I would have done without you." He moved, as if to stand and move away, but she reached out and placed a bandaged hand on his arm.

"Hey, hey, hey. Kaidan. I would gladly give my life to keep you safe. I failed too many…I couldn't fail you, not you Kaidan."

"Anvi…" He groaned and leaned down again, kissing her, heatedly, passionately, sifting his hands through her hair. When they parted, he rested his brow against hers.

"How bad is it Kaidan? I hurt…a lot." She chuckled. "Well, more so than normal after a mission."

Kaidan climbed onto the bed beside her, trying his best not to jostle her as he readjusted them so her head was pillowed on his arm and she was cuddled up to his side, his chin resting against her hair. "Your hands were…a mess, Shepard. Won't lie there. Chakwas said you had some internal injuries. You were covered in cuts, bruises, scrapes…there was so much blood when we found you. If EDI hadn't gotten the Normandy there so quickly…It's likely you would have died." He sighed, his free hand stroking her cheek softly.

"Kaidan…I'm sorry."

"Don't, Anvi. It's okay. It's all okay now. You're safe. Earth is safe. Everyone is safe. You saved them, Anvi."

"Finally…" She sighed with relief, but she knew that too many had died. If she could have, she would have given her life at the very beginning to save everyone.

At least they could make a new beginning. Free of the Reapers.

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><p><strong>AN: **Intended to be a one-shot, but if I get some good responses, I may continue. This ending I can live with. ^_^


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **I just want to say that I have never gotten such an overwhelming response so soon upon posting a piece; you guys make it all worthwhile, and as fans, I couldn't let us suffer the way Bioware did. I have also noticed that 75% of the response, between reviews and PM's, has asked that I continue, so for you guys – I will. I need more Shenko!

Since it is being continued, the title is undergoing a bit of an alteration. This story is now "Decisions and Visions".

_Disclaimer: Don't own it, but right now, kind of wish I did. All rights reserved to Bioware._

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><p>In the days that passed since the Reapers had retreated through Mass Relays, Shepard spent hours talking with Hackett and going over the details of the final hour. The Normandy remained docked at the Citadel where Liara, EDI, and Tali spent most of their waking hours bringing the large space station city back to its former glory; they had managed to return most of it to the way it was before, but many of the remaining races were hesitant to return. Especially since it remained watching over the Earth; most of the races had never had an affinity for the humans, but in the wake of Reaper's attack, there was no denying that a human had saved them, among the mass causalities they'd received in the final assault getting Shepard to the conduit beam in London.<p>

Yet they could not deny it – without Shepard, without the humans, they all would have perished under the Reaper's assault.

Kaidan wished Shepard would accept that it was over but she continued to have Hackett's ear down on Earth, going over every detail, determined to make sure they hadn't missed something. Shepard was sure they had; _you don't just overload the console and programming of such a race, AI or not_. That was what she had told him, before she'd commanded a shuttle to Earth. That was merely days after the Doc had cleared her to leave the Med Bay, though she was ordered back for physical therapy once a day – cybernetic implants or not, she was lucky to have her hands.

He took the shuttle to Earth with her, but she was oddly distant. Distracted. Besides their reunion in the Normandy's medical bay, they hadn't a moment alone. Every time he came to her quarters before Earth, she was never there. EDI always informed him she was in the War Room.

The war was over, though most of the Galaxy was in pieces, trying to rebuild, but it was over. Cerberus was over. He and Shepard had finally moved past Horizon, and he could remember that night before the raid on Cerberus HQ, just as vividly as he remembered the night before Ilos.

Kaidan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, leaning back against the wall. How long had she and Hackett been talking this time? Two hours at least, he was sure. Most of those who had been waiting for Shepard or the Admiral had left the reception room of their makeshift Alliance Navy HQ in the remnants of London. Kaidan refused to budge. Shepard had been dodging him long enough and damn it all, he was not going to let the woman he'd loved for years continue to do this to herself.

The doors opened, Hackett and Shepard making their way out.

"Listen Shepard, I know the last few weeks have been hell, but you did everything right. The Reapers are gone."

"I know that, but the Catalyst said I had to die and the Mass Effect technology had to be destroyed for it to work. The relays are fine, as is the Citadel. I am alive; I just…I feel like it isn't over yet." Kaidan watched as she emphatically waved her bandaged hands, though he noticed she was still experiencing stiffness in her fingers.

"You hardly came out unscathed, Commander, as we all did. You took control of the Reapers, correct?" She nodded. "What were your orders?"

"I told them to leave…" Her eyes dipped to the ground, before widening slightly and dancing back up to the older man's face. "I thought _'leave forever'_."

The Admiral saluted her, which she quickly did her best to return. "Then I have no doubt you have done all you can. Now, take some time off, Shepard. You deserve it. The next time we speak will be at the ceremony."

"Aye aye, Admiral."

"Dismissed." The Admiral turned and made his way past where Kaidan was waiting, the Major offering a salute as the old man walked past, no doubt making his way to the communication center. Though the war was over, there was still much to be done – as Hackett had said.

Shepard sighed and rolled her shoulders, leaning her head to crack her neck. "Anvi," she nearly jumped when she heard his voice, but she simply stiffened and turned to face him. "Major Alenko. What are you doing here?"

She looked nervous, almost as if she were uncomfortable being around him; vaguely a thought occurred, but he pushed it aside. "I wanted to speak with you, Anvi. If we could dispense of the formalities…I think we're past them at this point anyway."

There was that slight smirk he'd come to love so much. "Alright, Kaidan," she folded her arms, "what can I do for you?"

Kaidan glanced around and then moved toward her, frowning slightly when she almost pulled away on reflex when he folded her into his arms. He kissed the top of her hair and felt relieved when she sighed, unfolding her arms and leaning into him, wrapping her arms loosely around his waist. "I'm here for you, Shepard. I've been trying to get a moment with you." He felt suddenly defensive, putting his hands on her shoulders and looking down into her face, which was still cutely dotted in freckles and had a few scars from the recent battle for their existence. Her silver-blue eyes looked up at him, dancing over his face; did she look worried? "Shepard, why have you been avoiding me?"

"Kaidan…" There was that tone he didn't like; afraid, uncertain…a tone he rarely heard from her. The last time had been their reluctant goodbyes. They had not been certain they would make it back alive; it had been the hardest talk of his life. He'd lost of her once; he made damn sure she knew he wouldn't lose her again. "This isn't really the place to talk about this…"

He cupped her face in his hands and leaned down, kissing her hard. She tried to pull back but he slid his fingers into her hair and slipped his tongue between her lips, effectively turning her to butter in his arms. Her bandaged hands cupped his face in return and she gave a small moan as the kiss deepened, and became more heated. He groaned, and pulled back, nipping her lip before looking into her heated eyes, that always darkened to a deep blue when he kissed her. "Then you had better be in your cabin when I come by this evening, Anvi." Not giving her time to respond, he kissed her again and pulled away. "I mean it. We've been through too much for you not to trust me."

"Alright, Kaidan. Tonight then."

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><p>Shepard was pacing her cabin, after having told EDI to lock the door and let her know if someone were to request permission to enter; she didn't want to see anyone right now, admittedly, not even Kaidan. And that pained her. She sighed and plopped onto the edge of her bed, setting her elbows on her knees and hanging her head. Why did this have to happen now of all times? Finally they were at peace but she felt ever more restless, even guiltier, and like she'd failed. The Reapers were gone, so she hadn't failed.<p>

Her dreams had haunted her all throughout this mission. Of the little boy she couldn't save, the millions on Earth she couldn't save, of Mordin, Legion, and…Thane. That had hurt the worst. He'd been important to her. She had almost let herself love him, but instead wanted to stay loyal to Kaidan…even if he seemed like he wanted nothing to do with her after Horizon. Thane had died helping her. As everyone tended to do. Her crew, her friends, had risked themselves to save her from the Catalyst when all that was needed was her life to save the Galaxy.

To Shepard, it seemed a fair trade. Her life for the remainder of Galactic life. That was before…

"Shepard. Major Alenko is requesting admittance to your cabin. Shall I allow him in?" EDI's voice filtered through the com in her room and Shepard sighed.

It was now or never, and he needed to know. She had been avoiding him and this wasn't something she should be allowed to keep from him, not when it was piled high on top of so much guilt she already felt for being alive. All her life she had survived. While almost everyone around her died. But this…

"Shepard? Is something amiss?"

"Ah, no, sorry EDI. Lost in thought. Let Kaidan in please." She lifted her head, but she remained seated on the edge of the bed as the door hissed and opened, allowing Kaidan to walk in. He glanced around for a moment, but then walked down the three steps when he saw her sitting on the bed.

"Anvi, are you okay?" He was looking at her, warm amber eyes appearing genuinely worried.

"Kaidan…I'm sorry."

He sighed and smiled. "Don't you think it's about time you stopped apologizing?"

"Maybe you're right," she laughed softly and looked down at her bandaged hands; her life had always been hard, she was a soldier damn it all, but now she could barely hold a gun, much less shoot one. She was suddenly feeling…out of her element, even with Hackett having had her play politician for most of this war. "We need…we need to talk, Kaidan."

"It's never a good thing when a woman says _we need to talk_," Kaidan grumbled, folding his arms across his chest and leaning back against the wall.

Shepard's eyes widened slightly – _he thinks this is a break up talk! Nice going Shepard! _

"No, no, Kaidan, it's not like that." Shepard jumped to her feet and walked toward him, placing her hand on his chest, right above his heart. She looked up into his slightly concerned expression, smiling and lifting a hand to run a fingertip across his lips but stopped when she saw the bandages. He unfolded his arms and caught her hand, kissing the bandaged fingertips.

"Do they still hurt?" He asked softly, pressing both hands to his chest and holding them there with his own.

"A little now and then, but Doc tells me it's probably phantom pains." His brows raised and she chuckled, moving up on her toes to kiss his lips softly. He frowned in protest when she pulled away. "I remember the pain of the controls burning my skin off…she says that is probably what causes the phantom pains."

"Must have been bad…" He lifted a hand and brushed it over her purple strands. "I never did ask why you dyed your hair."

She blinked, then laughed softly, turning her head to press a kiss to the palm of his hand, much like he had on the Citadel when they had decided to start a relationship again. "I was bored – mostly. Even Anderson said I was getting soft around the edges." Her expression fell slightly at the lingering memory of Anderson's death at the hands of the Illusive Man. Not that she hadn't made him pay for it; just like she stabbed that son of a bitch, Kai Leng, she made sure to put an end to the Illusive Man.

"Bored?" He chuckled and shook his head softly, avoiding the topic of their old friend for the moment; it seemed Shepard had enough to think about besides that. "You were always such an odd one when you weren't _Commander Shepard."_

"That's a bad thing?"

"Of course not, I love you, Anvi. For everything that you are, have been, and will be." They kissed again, sweetly, softly, but she pulled away before it became more than that.

"Kaidan…"

"Well, you said we needed to talk. What is it, Anvi? Why have you been avoiding me?" He wrapped her up in his arms and she listened to his heart beating beneath her ear; strong, rapid…alive. He was alive. She was alive. It was more than she could have ever hoped for, but she had no idea how he would react to this.

"Kaidan, I love you. I never stopped. I longed for you every moment we were separated and even after Horizon, I couldn't let you go." She sighed softly and lifted her head, putting her fingertips against his lips when he moved to say something. "I…we just figured things out. After all these years, we are finally…well, you know. I wasn't sure how you would react…especially given what nearly became of me."

"Anvi?" He was staring at her, almost confused now.

"Doc told me before I left the Med Bay."

"Told you what?" His brows dropped and he gripped her hands tightly now. "Is something wrong?"

She was quiet for what seemed like forever. Eyes intently looking into his own as if to predict his reaction. The last thing she wanted was to push him away; never again. "Kaidan…I'm pregnant."

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><p><strong>AN: **Thoughts? Had this idea brewing for a bit. Before I get lectured for how she got knocked up being half cybernetic from her rebuilding during the Lazarus Project, I already thought about that. It will be explained if people want me to continue. =)


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Wooooow, my inbox was flooded this morning! You guys rock, for sure! I want to thank every one of you who has taken a moment to review, it means a great deal! And also thanks to everyone who subscribed and favorited! Much love indeed. ^_^

_Disclaimer: Don't own it, but if I did…SIGH. All rights to Bioware. _

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><p>Shepard <em>might <em>have laughed, if this weren't such a serious revelation. Kaidan hadn't moved for a good ten minutes, eyes locked on her face, expression curiously blank. Vaguely she wondered if he thought she was messing with him; his grip on her hands made the thought leave as quickly as it had come.

"You, uh, okay there, Alenko?"

He blinked. Once, then twice, then his dark eyebrows dropped over his eyes and his lips pressed together tightly. He was either intensely confused, or angry. She preferred the former, rather than the latter.

"Kaidan?" Now the indomitable Commander's hands were shaking, pressed where they were so tightly against his chest. It wasn't often Shepard felt this way. She had always been tough, using each loss to strengthen her resolve that she would not allow another if there was _any _way to avoid it. Yet in the face of Kaidan's possible rejection of the matter at hand, she was afraid.

"I…uh…" She realized now, that his hands were trembling as well. "I mean, how? I thought…with the implants…I mean, you died, didn't you?…"

_Now_ she laughed. Or, chuckled. Something like it. Her head dropped and her shoulders shook.

"Hey, hey, hey now. What are you laughing at, Commander?" Kaidan found himself chuckling with her, before wrapping his arms around her and holding her. They spent the moment working through the odd amusement before they subsided. "It's, uh, reasonable I am a tad lost here."

She smirked and nodded, pulling back and moving to the couch, Kaidan following with her because he refused to let go of her hand. They sat and he brushed his fingers over her bandaged hands, his touch always so soothing. It made her forget for a moment how badly her hands were injured. She had dared to peak under the bandages only to find marred and unrecognizable flesh, or lack thereof. Her muscles beneath were stiff and she had trouble with anything more than basic movements; Chakwas had tried everything she could think of but had only been able to save the muscles, the tendons, bones, but her skin was a different story all together. And even her muscles needed physical therapy after such a brutal burning; just because something healed or reformed didn't mean it worked as good as it did before. At least in quiet moments with Kaidan she could forget about that, his gentle brushing over the bandages reassuring. It was too bad the Alliance had taken out the upgrade to the med bay of the Normandy that she had used to heal her scars; not that she minded a few scars. Kaidan said they were…endearing.

"Anvi…is this for real?" He finally broke her contemplative silence. There was that voice again, uncertain, weary. She hated bringing that voice out in him, but by hearing it, she knew he cared. She owed him everything, her friends, everything. They had saved her…it was a strange concept for someone to save her. She had been doing the saving for so long.

Shepard bit her lip, an action unseen in the normally strong soldier. Softly, she nodded, looking down at their hands.

"How?"

"Well, besides the obvious, Major Alenko," she teased with a chuckle.

"Heh, yeah, besides that." Was he blushing? She did love to do that.

"You remember meeting Miranda Lawson?"

"The ex-Cerberus operative at Sanctuary?"

"Yep." Shepard smiled faintly. "She led the Lazarus Project. She was in charge of…reviving me."

He squeezed her hand and gripped the back of her neck with his free hand, pulling her to lie against him. He knew what speaking of this brought up in Shepard, and in him. It reminded him that she had actually died. Brain dead. Clinically and really, dead. He hadn't been able to accept it, not until they had seen the footage of the Project logs at Cerberus HQ. The lab scientist had said it would be impossible to bring her back; Miranda Lawson had been brought it for that very reason, _she _was certain she could bring Shepard back. And she had. "I remember," he said lowly, "I just…I am sorry, Anvi, that I didn't believe you."

"I'm a reasonable person, Kaidan. I forgave you long ago." She smiled and rested against him. "Miranda, she had been trying to…have a baby. I didn't find out until I saw extranet activity that had been logged in the Shadow Broker's archives. But because of her father genetically producing her, she was unable. After we saw the logs of my revival at the Illusive Man's base, I had so many questions I had never considered before."

"You said _'for all I know, I am a VI who thinks she is Commander Shepard'_." He kissed her brow and sighed softly. "I know who you are, Anvi. Yeah, maybe at first I thought you weren't really Shepard, and Cerberus had constructed some AI who only _looked_ like you, but throughout all this, I realized my mistrust was misplaced. I trusted you, but I didn't trust Cerberus. I was stupid to mix that up. Kind of hard to doubt you when you told the man to shove his ideals where the sun don't shine."

Shepard snorted. "_Anyway_ – the com link in London…it was the last time I thought I would speak to her…to any of you." His hold tightened and he trembled slightly. "I wanted some questions about my revival answered…" She shrugged slightly, glancing off to look at her old N7 helmet on the secondary desk that she had retrieved from the original Normandy's crash site. The site where she had died. "I wanted to know if I was really me. If I was really _human_. If I was going to die, I just…I wanted to know, ya know?"

"I'm guessing she told you everything?"

She nodded briefly, sitting up away from him and leaning back against the sofa with her arms folded across her chest. Kaidan kept a hand on her knee, leaning back with her. "The cybernetics were extensive. The Illusive Man was growing impatient with my 'natural' recovery; and he was adamant about no control chip, despite Miranda's suggestion. I was mad about that, until she told me the rest. She wanted me to listen, to help the human colonies disappearing, and they knew I was the only one who could do it. That's why Cerberus spent so much time and money putting me back together. Ah, Jacob said I was meat and tubes for the longest time. I hadn't even fully healed when I had to be awakened." She shook her head softly, getting a little lost in the memory. "Getting a little off track here; Among Miranda's confession of the Project's details she said _'if you weren't really human, Shepard, how could you have a child?'_ It baffled me; I hadn't even…considered that as a possibility after what happened to me. With more pressing matters, I didn't ask for an elaboration."

"Yeah, uh, that's understandable." He was following along so far, but it was still surreal. Shepard, pregnant? With his child? It wasn't a bad thing. Hell, he wanted to spend his life with her, children included. He just didn't expect…that it was possible.

"After Chakwas told me…I went to EDI. Told her about what Miranda said. She helped me look up files uploaded from Cerberus HQ." Shepard rubbed the back of her head slightly, and looked away, as if ashamed. "That's, uh, why she kept telling you I was in the War Room. Most of the time I was, but we were looking up files other times. Apparently, Miranda's inability to have a child made her feel like, that if it were possible, she should avoid that happening to me. The project took so long because she refused to use any cybernetics to heal my reproductive organs." She sighed and glanced back at him. "I wanted to thank her but…she hasn't reported in since the final assault. The com link was the last time I spoke to her."

Kaidan was quiet for a few minutes when she finished, before he simply reached out his hand and placed it on her abdomen. His warm gaze remained there for a brief moment, before they lifted to her face. She watched him, watched as the curious expression gave way to a heartwarming grin. One she hadn't seen nearly enough. "This is for real then, huh?" Did he sound excited?

"Heh, yea, it's for real, Alenko." She leaned forward and kissed his lips softly, with his hand resting just over where their baby was forming in her body.

"Well, then I guess I should be asking you to marry me then, Commander."

Shepard's eyes widened as she leaned back. His free hand came up to cup her cheek, his thumb brushing softly over her lips. "Tell me you'll marry me, Anvi."

"But Kaidan – "

"Shh." He kissed her softly. Then harder, more passionately, their lips meshed and parting to let their tongues explore. They dueled their sensuous dance until they felt the need to come up for air, parting with adamant reluctance. "Be my wife, Anvi. I love you. I have always loved you. Sure, I can be an idiot at time – what with all the times I have shoved my foot down my throat – but I want nothing more than to be at your side forever. I meant it, you know, when I said I couldn't lose you again. Once was more than enough for me to see what you really mean to me." He grinned again. "Don't make me pull rank on you, Commander. Hero of the Galaxy or not, I do technically outrank you."

"Ooo, sounds like fun." She chuckled and pulled him back for another kiss. When she pulled back she breathed a simple "yes, Kaidan."

Now she could have sworn he was grinning from ear to ear. "Yes?"

"I said yes, you idiot." She jibed him playfully, finding his grin contagious. "Buuuuut, just so you know, you won't outrank me for long."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah, didn't you know? Hero of the Galaxy always comes with a promotion." She laughed softly, and so did he.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **A bit shorter, but it felt like a good place to leave off. Contemplating the next chapter still. Leave a review if you have a moment! ^_^


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Spoiled, spoiled, spoiled. DAII fics really need some updates, but with Mass Effect 3 still so freshly in my mind – damn you photographic memory! – I find this is all I want to work on. Heh. Thanks again! For all the reviews, alerts, and favorites! You guys are awesome!

Also, there is implied smut, but you can tell me if you would like it to be bumped to **M** for explicit Shenko smut. XD

_Disclaimer: Don't own it, but really wish I did. I would fix it! All rights go to Bioware._

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><p>"I lost many good people, no, not people, friends – I lost many good friends to this damned war. I went into this knowing I was not going to let the Reapers win. To me, and all of you, that wasn't an option. I didn't expect to come out of this alive, I would have gladly given my life to save our home and to save the many soldiers – our family, friends, and comrades – that have been lost." Shepard sucked in a breath, trying not to let her voice break with the emotions welling up inside of her. She was tough, sure, but she was still human and she had lost good friends. It was a wonder, really, that she hadn't broken yet. Her eyes darted to where Kaidan stood, amongst her crew, just in front of where she stood to address the hundreds of soldiers gathered; if it hadn't been for Kaidan, she was sure she would have by now.<p>

"Ashley Williams gave her life on Virmire to help me stop Saren. Mordin Sollus gave his life to bring the Krogans hope, to give them a future, and to help us in this war. Thane…Thane Krios," she swallowed thickly, "who used to be no more than an assassin, gave his life on the Citadel to keep Cerberus from killing the Council. Legion, while no more than a machine to some, was a friend to me and he gave his life to give the Geth a future, the Quarians a future, and to help us bring down the Reapers who controlled his people. I ask for a moment to remember them, and all the rest of those we've lost." Shepard bowed her head and sighed softly. She could hear some crying from some of the soldiers and, while she felt the need to cry, she knew she had it to hold it together. They needed someone to lean on, someone to look up to, and they had chosen her.

After a moment, she raised her gaze. "Many of you lost your families when the Reapers came, but I while, fortunate or unfortunate, was raised on Mindoir. I lost my family many, many years ago. I was picked up by a passing Alliance Squad…who was led by one David Anderson." She grew quiet for a moment, tears effectively beginning to show in her eyes as she looked out over her fellow soldiers. "He grew to become like a father to me; hard, stern, made you want to give it your all or die trying. I joined the Alliance because of him, graduated as an N7 Marine because of him, became the first human Spectre because of him. He kept faith in me, no matter what. He helped me escape Earth when the Reapers hit, stayed behind and told me to get my ass out there and unite the Galaxy, because if we were going to win this war, we would need everyone." She chuckled, though it was weak, a tear rolling down her cheek. "I gladly stormed through London at his side, while many soldiers gave their lives to get my squad and I to the Conduit Beam. I fell at the hands of Harbringer's beam, as many of us did. I dragged myself forward because one thing Anderson taught me was to _never _give up. I shot the Illusive Man when he shot to kill my friend, my father, my teacher; I thought _for once, I can save him. _I thought I had, but we were both injured, we couldn't even stand. The last…the last thing he said to me was _'You did good child. I'm proud of you._' I…" She had to stop for a moment, her chest tight as she fought to hold back a sob. Whether or not it had been her bullet and not the Illusive Man's that had injured Anderson beyond help, it was the bastard that had made Shepard pull the trigger. She didn't kill Anderson, that bastard did. She made sure to shoot him for it.

A bandaged hand lifted to wipe the tears from her cheeks, and when she lowered it, she stood straight and smiled faintly. "I may have freed us from the Reaper threat, but I would _never _have done so, if it hadn't been for Anderson. I want us all to remember him, as I will. As soldiers we know that war never comes without casualties, but we will never forget them, just as we know that we will never forget our alien comrades, and just as we know that we will _never forget_ that we stood up to the Reapers without fear, without reserve, and that we came out victorious!"

The gathered soldiers cried out in agreement, whooping, rolling with exuberant force. Even her crew, especially James, gave in. Shepard smiled and nodded. "So even as I stand here, accepting this rank of Admiral, I would never have made it this far without all of you! Without every soldier, every friend, and every single person – human or not – that laid down their lives! Don't celebrate me, celebrate yourselves, and remember those who got us this far!"

* * *

><p>"You did good, Lola!" James exclaimed, clapping her shoulder in a friendly gesture. The ceremony had gone well enough, and even as the Alliance soldiers returned to duties, Shepard and her crew remained behind.<p>

Garrus folded his arms and nodded, his mandibles fluttering. "Always been good with the speeches."

Shepard patted James' hand and grinned; he had always been one she liked to have around. Reminded her of the old days, when she had been a recruit. He reminded her of Jenkins, the first soldier she had lost after this war had really started, back on Eden Prime. Kaidan smiled, though he stayed back to allow their friends to, well, fawn over her. She may be the woman he loved, but they all loved her in some way – how could they not?

"Good or not, this speech was a little more personal than what I was used to." She chuckled and shook her head, folding her arms across her chest. "AND, while I may have accepted the promotion, I am so overdue for a vacation."

Liara smiled. "I do remember you saying something about 'an early retirement'."

"Keelah, I'd like to know how the Admiral got you to agree; not many can change your mind once it's set on something," Tali teased.

Shepard sniffed. "Underhanded tactics, I swear. Said 'It's what Anderson would have wanted'."

"Not that I expect you to stay on the sidelines," Garrus nearly scoffed at the thought, making Shepard smile.

"True, but a good friend of mine once told me 'there is a time when one must rest from war and conflict'."

Kaidan saw that sad smile on her face; the mention of Thane always brought it. He'd met the Drell, when he had been in the ICU at Huerta Memorial on the Citadel. "Thane's right, Shepard," he stepped forward and took her hand, kissing her bandaged palm. Shepard's smile changed, sliding into a more relaxed set. "He was a good friend, I know you miss him."

"Thank you, Kaidan."

"They were all good friends," Garrus sighed. "We have all lost too many to the damn Reapers." He grunted and chuckled then. "But at least we got to send them back where they came from and are still standing. Heroes now, the lot of us."

"Ugh," Shepard laughed softly and rolled her eyes. "I do remember saying we might damn well be respectable now."

"That you did, Shepard that you did."

"Nothing wrong with respectable, Lola," James grinned, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"We all know Shepard likes to be in the thick of it," Liara sighed. "As much as it tends to shave years off our lifespans."

"Complain more, why don't you?" Shepard snorted, though she had a big grin on her face; she had missed times like these, where she could just sit and relax with her team, her friends. The moments had always been rare. To think they would soon separate made her heart ache, but she knew it had to be. Their worlds needed them, just as Earth needed her. "Garrus, Tali, Liara; I want you to know that should you ever need me, I am here for you. All these years…it has been an honor to serve by your sides. I owe you everything."

"Keelah, Shepard. Enough with the speeches – you know we will never be more than a message away," Tali said with a chuckle, opening her omni tool to send Shepard her extranet contact information. Garrus soon followed suit.

Liara smiled. "You know how to get ahold of me."

Garrus' mandibles fluttered briefly as he stepped forward, taking Shepard from Kaidan long enough to give her a brief embrace before releasing her. "I'd stay if I could, but Palaven is in just as rough shape as Earth." Shepard nodded, a brief moment of silence passing between the two; Kaidan might have been jealous, but he knew what Garrus meant to Shepard, that he was the closest thing she had had to a best friend her entire life.

"Remember Garrus, you don't go to that bar before me."

"Wouldn't even dream of it, Shepard."

Shepard turned her gaze to Liara and Tali, and even glanced at James, though he would be staying on Earth with the rest of the human crew. "That goes for all you."

"Got it, Lola."

"As you say, Shepard."

"I'm likely to live a lot longer than you, Shepard, so I am saying it to you. _You _don't get to go before us, either." Liara smiled and embraced her as well, Garrus stepping back to allow the Asari to do so.

Kaidan laughed softly. "So that's the plan then – we'll all meet up at the same time."

"Sounds good to me!" James punched Kaidan in the shoulder and grinned. "Don't you dare say it don't sound good to you."

"Wouldn't dream of it," he mumbled with an answered smile. He had to admit it – he'd miss them too.

* * *

><p>Kaidan stood with Shepard as she looked out over the Earth from the Observation deck; this was the room he had made his home when he rejoined the Normandy crew. He had done the same thing, leaning against the hull and staring out the window. He did it when he wanted to think. And he had, often. About the Reapers, about Shepard, about becoming a Spectre, his students, everyone back on Earth; his mind had felt like a whirlwind for so long and it was a strange feeling to be so…calm.<p>

"What's on your mind?" Kaidan asked softly, rubbing his palm reassuringly over her back.

"A lot, really." She sighed softly and turned her head enough to give him a brief smile. "I only accepted being Admiral because of Hackett; he was right, I think Anderson would have wanted it."

He pulled her into his side by sliding his arm around her slim waist; she had lost weight, he noticed, over the weeks since the Reaper invasion. The Galaxy had depended on her, but they would be foolish to think all of this hadn't affected her. "Anderson would have said he was proud of you, Shepard. He already was. He spoke of you often, and he always had your back. He trusted you when…others didn't."

"Thank you, Kaidan." She sighed again, but this time with a smile. "He'd freak you know."

"About?"

"The baby."

Kaidan laughed softly, nodding. "Yeah, you are probably right about that."

They stood in a comfortable silence, Shepard leaning her head against his shoulder. The Earth lay before them, scarred and hurt, but whole. It had faced the apocalypse, and stood strong in the face of annihilation. As did its people. Never before did Kaidan feel so proud to be human than in this moment.

"Have we heard anything about the others yet?" Shepard finally asked softly, uncertainly, as if she were afraid of the answer.

"Grunt made it back to Tuchanka with Wrex; like I expected the Reapers to take him down." Kaidan chuckled and shook his head. "Jacob reported in, as did Jack, Kasumi, and Samara. Cortez was found in the wreckage of the Kodiak shuttle; he is in the temporary ICU while EDI continues to set the Citadel straight."

"So…no Zaeed, or Miranda." Shepard had never really gotten along with the mercenary Cerberus had paid to help them; they conflicted too often about priorities. She didn't like to think he'd died though.

"Yet, Shepard. Yet."

"It's been a week since we sent the Reapers packing, Kaidan."

"Miranda was running before, wasn't she? I don't expect her to report into the Alliance, even after."

"True…she could be afraid they would arrest her for being Ex-Cerberus, even now."

Kaidan turned her and cupped her face in his hands, kissing her softly. "As much as you would like them to be, not everyone is as forgiving as you. _Or_ as understanding."

"Thank you, I just…I don't want to have to acknowledge even more casualties to the damn Reapers. They have taken more than enough for all of us."

Kaidan slid a hand down to her abdomen and kissed her again, lingering a moment before looking into her eyes intensely. Seriously. "They didn't take everything, Shepard. There is still hope for us, for everyone. Because of you."

She shook her head. "Because of all of us, not just me. I wouldn't even be here if it hadn't been for you and the others."

"Damn good thing we did. I wasn't about to lose you and now that I know about our baby, you can be damn sure I never would have lost her either."

Shepard smiled. "Her?"

"Like you would allow her to anything other than a girl." Kaidan chuckled.

"True, boys are stupid."

"Hey-hey-hey, Admiral. Better not say that to your men."

"Nope, only to you." She jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow, sticking her tongue out at him, before she turned and walked toward the door. It hissed and opened to allow her to pass. She stopped in the entry way and turned back to look at him over her shoulder. "You coming, Alenko?"

He folded his arms across his chest and smirked at her. "Where to?"

"Oh you know. Just up to my room for a quick drink."

"Right behind you." He grinned.

* * *

><p>Shepard lay in Kaidan's arms long after he'd fallen asleep. Not that she could blame him. She felt as worn out as he, and her impromptu suggestion to jump each other hadn't helped. Not that she was complaining. Making love with Kaidan was something she could and would never pass up on; he made her feel whole and like the most beautiful woman in the Galaxy, despite her scars and flaws. He made her feel safe, despite how unsafe the Galaxy really was. Even now she was afraid to sleep, knowing the nightmares that plagued her were so close at hand.<p>

She sighed and laid her head against his chest, just listening to his heart beat and thanking god that this was real. That they were both alive and not dead at the hands of the Reapers. Before long, the weariness took its toll, his thumping heart lulling her to sleep, red lashes falling as her eyes closed.

'_There is a time when one must rest from war and conflict, Siha. It is not your time but it is mine.'_

_She was running, through the body infested halls of the citadel, the corpses piled higher than she remembered. It was dark and she felt like she was running blindly, though that faint light so far in front of her kept her moving. _

'_You were a great protector, Siha, but even some things are beyond you.'_

_Thane was here? She kept running. Maybe it wasn't too late after all, maybe she could save him. Just keep moving, one foot after the other. _

'_You did good, child. You did good. I'm proud of you.' _

'_I'm sorry Shepard-Commander, it is the only way.'_

"_I tried to save you! I tried!" Shepard cried out in the darkness, her voice echoing far and only returning to be heard by her. _

'_You know it's the right choice, LT. It was an honor serving with you, Commander.'_

_Shadows moved around Shepard as she raced toward the light, her hands slapping over her ears; she wanted to listen, knowing this was the only time she would hear their voices, but it was so painful. __**I failed them.**_

'_No, Siha.'_

_Suddenly she was through the light and stumbling onto a beach, her feet bare so that the sand meshed between her toes. The sea air brushed by her, the smell tickling at her senses. The sun was setting just behind the horizon, illuminating the sky in a brilliant orange-yellow haze. The blue-green water lapped at the sand's edge and as she focused she saw a figure clad in black standing there, at the edge, back to her. As she slowly approached, it turned and as she stopped a mere few feet away, she realized she was standing face to face with Thane._

'_Thane…'_

'_You need to stop blaming yourself for our deaths, Siha.' He stood with his hands clasped behind his back, as he often did when they spoke. Even that simple characteristic gesture she found she missed. _

'_I failed you, Thane.' Shepard cried, covering her face with her hands as the sobs she had been holding back came out in full force. 'I failed you all.'_

'_No matter how much you want to save us all, you know you can't. That is no reason to put such blame and despair upon yourself.'_

_Shepard continued to cry, falling to her knees in the sand. She had been holding it back for so long that she couldn't swallow the sobs as they wracked her body. Thane came toward her, kneeling at her side and grasping her chin to tilt her face up toward his. Her face was tear stained, in blood red tears, her silver-blue eyes anguished. _

'_Listen well, Siha. I am at peace.' He wiped the tears from her cheeks with his knuckles. 'We all gave our lives to protect you, to keep you alive. We all wanted to help you. We are at peace, Siha. We love you, all of us – we would gladly lay our lives down again if it came to that.'_

'_But…'_

'_No, don't, Siha. Do one last thing for us, for me?' Shepard swallowed thickly and nodded. 'Live, Shepard, live. Live your life. Don't wallow in despair and let yourself die.'_

_Shepard stared up into face, memorizing every detail and, as she did so, the others came down to stand beside Thane's kneeling frame. Ashley, Legion, Mordin, Anderson. Her friends, her family – the ones whose deaths had affected her so badly. _

'_You are strong, Commander. You can do it.' Ashley grinned. _

'_Impractical to mourn so for us.' Mordin nodded. 'You live, you are alive. You should live. More pressing things to attend to.'_

'_Shepard-Commander, you will always be a friend to us.'_

'_You did good, Shepard. You will continue to make me proud, I know it.' Anderson said with a smile._

_Shepard nodded, more blood red tears rolling down her pale cheeks._

'_You see, Siha? We are fine. Do not worry so.' Thane smiled. 'Forgive me.' He leaned down, keeping hold of her chin and pressed a kiss to her lips. 'Call it a dying man's final wish,' he chuckled as he drew back, standing with the others. As she watched them walk into the sea, Shepard's tears faded and she felt strangely at peace as they disappeared beneath the rolling waves. _

'_Thank you…' she whispered._

"Shepard, Shepard!" Her eyes fluttered open to see Kaidan leaning over, his amber eyes worried as they looked down at her. "Are you okay?"

Shepard smiled softly and cupped his cheek with her still bandaged hand. "Yeah, I think I am."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Just so you know, I teared up myself when writing that last chapter. I really don't normally update this frequently on a fic, so enjoy it. You guys deserve it; the reviews, favorites, and alerts made me grin ear to ear. Thank you! I apologize in advance; I try my best, but I am not all that tech savvy with the ME'verse.

I am bumping it up to M for the end of this chapter, so enjoy.

Reviews are love! They make my day. ^^

_Disclaimer: Don't own it. Sadly, at the moment, all rights are reserved to Bioware._

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><p>The weeks after that night seemed to change Shepard, bring the fire back into her eyes that Kaidan hadn't seen since the Reapers invaded the Earth. She had been beaten down, and was far more broken than he would have liked to admit; he'd always looked up to her strength, admired her confidence, and the way that she gave it her all, no matter what the consequences were for her. Anvi Shepard was, and is, the best soldier Kaidan ever had the pleasure of knowing, and was only that much luckier to know love with her. It made him happy to see her as herself again.<p>

She stood now, on the bridge of her SR-2 Normandy – yes, _her_ ship, though he knew she and Joker could spend hours debating on that fact, considering their quirky pilot's girlfriend was the AI of the ship.

"I am a little worried, Commander." Joker admitted as he docked the Normandy at Dock Bay D24. It was unlike to their normally sarcastic, deflect-with-humor pilot to express himself genuinely. The only other times he'd seen Joker upset or vulnerable had been after Shepard's death and when they took EDI with them to Cerberus HQ. Kaidan couldn't help the smile at Joker's refusal to call her Admiral; she would always be their commander, no matter their ranks.

"EDI is fine, Joker," Kaidan reassured him, clapping his hand on the pilot's shoulder.

"Eh, thanks Kaidan, but should it really take this long to fix the Citadel?"

"He may have a point, Major." Shepard turned and moved away from where she had been standing beside Joker's pilot chair. She put her gloved fingers beside her ear, opening the com link between her and her crew. "EDI, it's Shepard."

"What can I do for you, Shepard?" EDI's response was immediate, which made Joker sigh a bit with relief.

"You haven't been informing me of your progress. I see the Citadel is back to normal, at least in shape. What is the inside like?"

"I apologize, Shepard. Things have been…more complicated than I had originally perceived."

"I'm listening." Shepard's brows dropped over her eyes, a slightly worried expression over her face, and Kaidan stepped behind her to press his palm against her lower back in reassurance. She glanced briefly at him and smiled faintly.

"I disabled the protocols and overloaded the control consoles, however, I believe the AI – the being we you call the Catalyst – is still residing within the Citadel. I continue to find underlining Reaper codes throughout the station."

Shepard winced visibly, then pinched the bridge of her nose with her gloved fingers; she had insisted on the gloves after they had removed the bandages, not wanting a constant reminder from the scarred flesh how close she had come to literally being vaporized alive. Kaidan believed she was more self-conscious of them then she led him to believe and he didn't want that; she would always be beautiful to him, no matter the scars she had. To him, it was her badge of honor, her proof of how much she had been called on to give to keep the rest of the Galaxy safe.

"That isn't a good thing, obviously," Shepard said after a long moment. "What is our plan of action?"

"I have been trying to realign the Reaper codes to the Crucible. It has been…complicated."

"Why would she do that?" Kaidan asked quietly, more to himself, but Shepard met his eyes and nodded.

"EDI, what purpose would there be to moving the codes to the Crucible?"

"The control sequences I overloaded. However, if I am successful in moving the codes to the Crucible, I believe there is a chance that we can detach the Crucible from the Citadel and destroy it."

"Destroy it?" Joker nearly scoffed. "After we just spent god knows how much time and effort into that thing?"

"Jeff, it is likely the only way to free of us truly from the Reapers. The blueprints are still safely in the Alliance's hands, but if I am correct, we wouldn't need them after its destruction."

"Alright, EDI, I'm following. Continue." Shepard's heart was pounding against her ribs; she knew it couldn't have been as easy as EDI had originally made it seem. She wanted to be angry at her AI friend, but she knew that EDI had her best interest at heart; sometime in her development, EDI had grown into their friend, their crewmate, and she did her best to keep situations she could handle contained.

"The Catalyst is in the Reaper codes; it placed itself here at the very beginning, as you already know. It uses the Citadel to bring forth its creations. If we move it into the Crucible and destroy the weapon, I believe we may not only destroy the Catalyst AI, but the Reapers as well."

"I follow. The Citadel is their technology and we are unlikely to destroy it, but if we move it to our creation, we can destroy it."

"Correct."

"EDI – I could kiss you."

"Hey now!" Joker turned in his chair to protest, though halfheartedly.

"What about the Relays, EDI? Aren't they Reaper tech as well?" Kaidan voiced his worry with a tight frown.

"That is why it has been so complicated, Major Alenko. I have been trying to distinguish Reaper vessel codes from the relay codes. I have nearly completed this process. However, the Alliance will unlikely favor our destruction of its greatest construct. I require Shepard's aid to convince them to follow our plan."

They were all quiet for a long moment, Shepard's free hand lying on her abdomen; this sounded like a long shot, but when they had retrieved the blueprint for the Crucible, it had been a long shot as well. Long shots seemed to be all they had when it came to the Reapers. EDI would never give her a plan she didn't think would work. "Alright, EDI. I trust you – Shepard out." She turned to Joker. "I will be in the War Room, get Admiral Hackett on the com."

"Aye, Commander."

* * *

><p>It took some convincing on Shepard's part to get Hackett on board with the plan, but as soon as she brought up her previous worries about the Reaper's return and the fact they still had the blueprints, the Admiral acquiesced.<p>

"You have already gone above and beyond for this war, Shepard. I trust you know what you're doing." He saluted her and she did the same in return. "We will begin evacuation of the remaining crew. I will contact you after it's complete. Hackett out."

Shepard activated her com. "EDI, this is Shepard. Hackett is on board. They are evacuating the remaining crew and will contact me when they are finished."

"Acknowledged. And Shepard…"

"Yes, EDI?"

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me, EDI. You saved my life, what kind of friend would I be if I didn't trust you?"

* * *

><p>Shepard sighed as she stepped into the Normandy's elevator, leaning back against the wall just as the doors would have hissed shut but something stopped them from doing so. Kaidan stepped into the elevator and she smiled, his warm gaze making her heart flutter. He returned her smile and came toward her, pressing his palms beside her head. She moved to say something but he shook his head and smirked, before leaning down and kissing her; soft, at first, before becoming harder, more passionate. His tongue swept across her lip softly and made her part her lips for him, his tongue sweeping in to explore the familiar velvet recess of her mouth. She made a soft noise of pleasure and stroked his tongue with her own, their kiss becoming hot and deep, his hands sliding up into her hair to bring her closer.<p>

The elevator stopped but Kaidan didn't, at least not right away. They remained embraced, his hand sliding from the purple strands of her hair to trail over her cheek, her jaw, her neck, before cupping the back of it to fully deepen the kiss. When they broke apart, both were gasping for breath, Shepard's skin flushed warmly with desire.

"Kaidan…"

"I love you, Shepard. I am the luckiest man in the Galaxy," he murmured, stroking her cheek with his fingers.

"And I love you, Kaidan. I never stopped; I know I have said that before, but I just want you to know that."

"I was a fool but never again." He kissed her softly, almost reverently. He hooked his hands behind her legs and brought them astride his hips, Shepard sliding her arms around his neck as he made his way out of the elevator, carrying her. He hit the door controls to her cabin with his elbow, and moved into the room, becoming almost too impatient. He set her on the desk, pushing her private terminals aside. Then he was kissing her again, his hands trailing over the buttons of her uniform top, popping them open one by one until he could slide it off her shoulders and onto the desk. When his battle hardened hands cupped her ample breasts through the material of her bra, she bit back a moan, her nipples hardening in response.

"Kaidan…" She shivered as his lips parted from hers, making their way along her flesh toward her breasts as his hands worked the clasp. It came undone with ease beneath his touch, hands pulling it from her body so that they could return and caress the pale mounds tipped in pink buds. Shepard bit her lip as he dipped his head, his tongue swirling around one tip, before the other. Her hands found purchase in his hair, head falling back as he lavished her breasts with his mouth, like a drowning man who'd found water.

He grabbed her up again, holding her to him, her breasts mashed to his clothed chest as they kissed heatedly. He stumbled his way down the steps and toward the bed, tossing her upon it lightly to where she bounced once maybe twice, a small laugh slipping from her lips. He smiled and stripped himself of his shirt and pants, while Shepard did the same, kicking off her cargo uniform bottoms so that they both only remained in their perspective bottom undergarments.

"You're beautiful, Shepard." He breathed, coming toward her, kneeling on the bed before pressing her down to kiss her.

"You're not so bad looking yourself, Major." They both chuckled and his hand slipped down across her breast, pinching her nipple before continuing down and sliding beneath the fabric of her underwear. She gasped and breathed out a shaky breath as his fingers found her lips, already wet and throbbing for him. He kissed her, before he used his other hand to pull the gloves from her hands, leaving her scarred flesh out in the open.

Suddenly she blanched and hid her hands under her thighs. He raised himself up, pulling his hands and lips free from her to gaze at her with an intense, burning gaze. "Shepard…Anvi, please don't." He sounded as if he were pleading with her, it made her heart ache. When she went to shake her head, he kissed her, pulling her hands out and pinning them to the bed with his own. He leaned his head down and kissed the scarred flesh, over the uneven ridges and marred tissue. She trembled, tears building in her eyes as he moved to her other hand, doing the same, until she felt open and vulnerable. "Don't ever hide from me, Anvi. Scars or not, every part of you is beautiful to me."

"Kaidan…" Her voice hitched on a sob.

"I love you, Shepard." He kissed her, hard and deep, tongue delving back into her mouth and weakening her protests. She eased in his hold, no longer trying to hide her hands from him. As she raked her fingers through his short black hair, he hooked his fingers in the waistband of her underwear, pulling them down her long, pale legs, tossing the cloth away from them onto the floor. "I can't wait any longer, I need you, Anvi."

He quickly slipped out of his bottoms and stretched out over her, cupping her face as he kissed her, lingering in it. A hand slipped from her face and down her side, grasping her thigh and lifting it astride his hip so that he could thrust his hard length into her in one swift motion. They both cried out, Kaidan tossing his head back and Shepard arching her back as the pleasure weaved its way between them at being joined. Her hands gripped at his shoulders as he settled there, deep inside of her hot center, basking in the warmth and pleasure that she was.

She gasped out his name, using her hold to roll them, moaning loud as he settled even deeper within her as she seated herself upon him. His hands found her hips as she started to move, his eyes eating every inch of her flesh as they came together again, slow at first, then faster, his groans of pleasure spurring her on. Before long he couldn't take it and he rolled them again, hooking her legs behind the knees and thrusting himself harder and faster into her. It wasn't long before the rhythm of his length stroking her hot core pushed her too far and she coated his member in a hot release; he didn't stop, kept thrusting, moving his hips in a pleasurably punishing motion, but even he had his limits and soon he followed, crying out hoarsely as he spilled his seed within her.

He collapsed atop her and they kissed softly, lovingly, before he moved to her side and swept her into his arms. They tried to catch their breath as their slightly sweaty bodied remained tangled together among the bed's sheets.

"I think I need a nap," she murmured against his neck, her hand stroking his chest.

"It'll be a few hours _at least_ before Hackett contacts us." He kissed her temple, his hand stroking over her hip in the same rhythm as her hand stroked him.

"Well then you had better wake me if he does, since it's your fault I am all worn out." She mumbled as she closed her eyes with a sigh.

He chuckled. "Aye aye, Admiral."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **This would have been posted earlier but I got distracted working on my FemShep cosplay; not armor this year, but casual/formal Cerberus wear from ME2. Anyway, update for you now! After thanking you guys again for reviews, alerts, and favorites!

_Disclaimer: Don't own it, all rights go to Bioware. T_T_

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><p>When Shepard woke, it surprised her to see that Kaidan had his chin propped in his hand, resting on his elbow, watching her. "Uh, hi there." She grinned a bit.<p>

"Hey." He smiled and cupped her cheek in his hand, leaning down to kiss her softly, briefly. Too briefly.

"Not that I am complaining, mind you – and really, I'm not – but can I ask why you are watching me sleep?" She chuckled against his lips.

"Oh sure, complaining that I watch you sleep, what with your habit of sneaking out of bed while I am still out cold." He kidded. "How about, a question for a question? You answer mine, I answer yours."

Though the conversation seemed lighthearted enough, Shepard was a bit wary; as a soldier, it was imperative she always knew the perimeters of her mission. The two of them had only been back together for a number of weeks and, she knew Kaidan. Sometimes, as much as she loved him, he could be a little too stubborn and focused too much on the past. It had taken several intimate talks to prove to him she was no longer with Cerberus, and yet they had still been in a standoff, with guns pointed at each other. It had taken a long time for him to come around, but at least he had. She just hated that it had to turn to that for her to prove herself to him.

"Alright, I'll play along. Shoot." She turned on her side facing him and propped herself up on her elbow.

The corner of his lips twitched, as if he were suppressing one of those smirks she'd come to adore. Shame. "Well, just wondering; why haven't you told anyone else about the baby?" He asked it quietly, his own eyes suddenly becoming a bit wary. Like she might reach out and pluck his heart from his chest by saying she something that might insinuate that she didn't want this baby.

"Ah, Kaidan." She sighed softly and turned away, sitting up on the bed and bracing her elbows against her drawn up knees. Her scarred hand was raked her dyed hair. "I just, follow with me because it sounds a bit ridiculous, even to me, and we both know I have dealt with a lot of bullshit." He cocked a brow, chuckling, and nodded. "If I tell everyone, accept it, thrive with it – I will jinx it."

"How do you figure?"

"Kaidan…After Sovereign, I decided to accept our relationship." She sighed softly and pinched the bridge of her nose. "That day I…that day the Normandy was destroyed…I was going to tell you I love you." Dropping her hand, she smiled faintly at him, brushing the back of her fingers across his cheek. His gaze had darkened, and she could see the anguish in his eyes at her admission; she regretted now that she hadn't the courage to tell him before that fateful day, that had driven some much between them. She dropped her hand but he grasped it in his free one, not wanting to sever their connection in a moment like this. "I am afraid if I am going to jinx this…jinx our baby…if I acknowledge it by spreading the news."

Kaidan smiled and sat up, framing her face with his hands and pulling her lips to his. He kissed her for a long moment, soft and gentle manipulations of his lips over hers, before he pressed harder. Tongue darted out to sweep over her lips, parting them as she moaned a little noise that lit his soul on fire. They dueled their tongues in a dance all too achingly familiar, basking in the ability to be like this, given how close they had been to losing everything.

Slowly, he pulled back, looking intensely into her silver-blue eyes. "Shepard, you know why I watch you when you sleep? I do it because I fear if I may wake, to find this nothing but a dream and that you are still gone." His eyes took on that anguished look that made her heart ache. "I died when you died, Shepard. Living without you…it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I was a fool for taking my pain out on you on Horizon and for not believing you had the best intentions working with Cerberus. I should have known I knew you better than that." He shook his head slightly, frowning. "It took me a long time to come around, and I am sorry for that." He kissed her softly. "I watch you sleep because I _can_."

They melted into each other, intent on capturing moments they had lost, but the comm fired up, both groaning as they were forced to part.

"Commander, Admiral Hackett is on the vid comm for you." Traynor had apparently stuck with the camaraderie in continuing to call her Commander; it was more an affectionate gesture rather than a title. Joker had called her Commander when she had been out of the Alliance and working with Cerberus.

Shepard chuckled and kissed Kaidan softly, before pulling away and rolling out of the bed to dress quickly. Hell, she could have retired, but what the hell would she have done? She was a soldier, always had been. Duty would always continue to call on her, in active duty or not. "Put him through to my quarters, Traynor." She said as Kaidan watched her climb the steps to her office space, before standing before her personal terminal.

"Yes Ma'am."

The large screen came up over her models. "Admiral Shepard." Hackett greeted her with rank.

"Admiral…Don't think I will get used to hearing that anytime soon; think I preferred Commander." She chuckled and shook her head. "Are the evacuations complete?"

"Yes, the Crucible is a ghost town, Shepard. The rest of the Fifth Fleet is on standby for your command." The older man paused for a moment. "Shepard…are you sure about this?"

She nodded, her lips pressing together firmly. "Yes, Admiral. With this, we can ensure the Reapers aren't just gone, but destroyed as well."

"I trust your judgment, more now than ever. Hackett out." The comm link cut and the screen disappeared, leaving Shepard to let out a small sigh.

Kaidan had dressed during the call and came to stand at the top of the steps. "You feeling okay?" He asked, a little worried.

She gave him a small smile. "Duty calls. I'll feel much better once I know the Reapers are gone for good."

"We both will," he came to her, kissing her softly again. "You're not leaving the Normandy for this; I am not risking losing you again. Too close a call already." He set his hand over her abdomen and caressed gently. "Not risking our family, got it?"

"Aye aye, Major." She chuckled and gave him a salute. He grinned and patted her ass before they left the Captain's cabin to take the Elevator to the CIC and bridge.

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><p>"The Fifth Fleet is assembled with us, Commander," Joker announced as both she and Kaidan made their appearance on the bridge. "Glad to see you could stop boning long enough to make a visit." He turned to look at them, waggling his eyebrows at her. Shepard narrowed her eyes and smacked a gloved hand on top of his head. "Ouch, Commander, you wound me."<p>

She scoffed. "Stuff a sock in it, Joker."

"Oooo, bossy bossy. What did you do to her, Alenko?" Joker cocked a brow at Kaidan.

Shepard shared a glance with Kaidan and smiled. He cocked a brow, folding his arms over his chest wondering what she was planning; that look always said she was planning something. "Nothing much, Joker, besides making you an Uncle."

"You know, Commander, he was – wait, wait, wait. _What?_" Joker's eyes had widened so much that Shepard was certain if they widened any further, his eyes would pop out of his head. She bit her lip to keep from laughing as he floundered wordlessly, jaw working but no sound coming out, as he tried to think of something, _anything_, to say. Finally, he settled on, "Well damn, Alenko. Least we know you're getting the job done," a huge grin plastered on his face.

Kaidan stifled a laugh behind his hand, his face heating red at Joker's teasing. "Ah, yes, about that…you're going to be my best man at our wedding. And you can't say no, we already decided."

Joker groaned and rolled his eyes. "_Greeeeeat. _I hate weddings, but I guess, since, you know it's the Commander's wedding and all, I _could_."

"Like I would let you say no," Shepard took his hat and stuck her tongue out at him when he voiced his displeasure, trying without much success to get it back. "All I would have to do is ask EDI." She handed his hat back to him with a soft, almost feminine, laugh, one that Kaidan found he liked.

Joker frowned. "Oh real fair, drag the girlfriend into it," he grumbled as he replaced his hat.

"Hey now, girls stick together. You're going to learn that, real fast. If you don't, you're screwed."

"Right, right, I got it, Commander." He rolled his eyes, turning back to the piloting controls.

Shepard shook her head and set her fingers to her ear, establishing the comm connection. "EDI, this is Shepard. Hackett has finished evacuating the Crucible and the Fifth Fleet is on standby."

"That is pleasing news, Shepard."

"Have you finished separating the Mass Relay codes from those of the Reaper ships?"

"Affirmative. I am now hacking into the Crucible and accessing the piloting controls." Even as she said it, Shepard could see out the window that the Crucible had begun undocking from the center of the Citadel, where the Council had often held their meetings before Sovereign had attacked. The massive weapon pulled away and began heading away from the Earth's orbit. "On your order, Shepard."

"Fifth Fleet, this is Admiral Shepard, prepare to open fire on my order." She waited a long moment, waited until she knew that it would be far away enough not to damage anymore of their fleet and their already decimated planet. "Fire!"

All around the Normandy, Alliance vessels let loose their fire power. Joker glanced back at Shepard and she nodded, the pilot then firing up his own controls and letting loose a massive blast from the Thannix cannon they had installed for the journey to the Collector base. The beam shot forth with the other missiles, hitting the Crucible without quarters and splintering apart the weapon that had saved them from the Reaper invasion. Pieces and decks exploded, fire bursting into live and finally, as the Thannix beam hit, the Crucible exploded in a glorious burst of bright light. It then absorbed into itself, disappearing and, as Shepard watched, it re-exploded into a wave of red energy, blasting toward the Mass Relay.

"EDI, what the hell was that!" Shepard exclaimed into the comm.

"That is the energy that will destroy the Reaper ships. It has hit the Mass Relay and is now traveling through the network to reach the Dark Space where the Reapers reside."

The recoil of the wave hit the ships and Citadel, rocking them, Joker's hands flying across his controls to stabilize their hold as Shepard and Kaidan fell, having to brace themselves on other parts of the bridge. Kaidan was quick to reach her side, helping her up and asking if she was alright. She nodded softly. "EDI…is it over?"

"Affirmative, Shepard. I can no longer detect the Catalyst's presence within the Citadel and the wave will destroy the Reaper ships."

Her omni tool lit up, indicating another comm link being established. She tapped a few keys, and then Admiral Hackett's voice came over her comm. "Shepard, is it done? Did it work?"

Shepard smiled, feeling a weight lift from her shoulders that felt like it had been there for far too long.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **I have had a super busy weekend; finally getting some time to sit down and write. Again I want to thank you all for your reviews, favorites, and alerts! I can't help but admitting to grin when I see my inbox after each update. You guys rock! Seriously! I want to offer something to the 100th reviewer if it gets to that point…just not sure what. Maybe a Mass Effect one shot of some sort; like some Shenko?

_Disclaimer: Don't own it, or sell it, but am mildly obsessed with it. _

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><p><em>The smoke curled in the air, wafting high above the small colony settled on Mindoir as screams followed in its wake. Batarians charged through the buildings of her home, shooting down everyone she had ever known and come to care for, or dragging off those they hadn't shot, kicking and screaming, crying and pleading. Shepard trembled, her mother pushing her down behind the crates of the storage shelter they were in. Her father reloaded his pistol and peeked around the corner, eyes locked on the broken door, seeing glimpses of the running colonists as they tried to flee from the Batarians. <em>

"_Stay down," her father said so low she barely caught it as he turned back to them, back pressed to the crate._

"_We have to get her out of here," her mother whispered back._

"_There might not be a way out. We don't know how many Batarians are raiding the colony." Her father pinched the bridge of his nose, something he often did when he was trying very hard to think. Shepard stared at her parents, grasping tightly at her mother's arm, whole body trembling; this wasn't supposed to be happening. She was only sixteen. This was a farmer colony – it had always been peaceful, they had never bothered or disturbed anyone. Why?_

"_I…I am not leaving without you…" she tried to say with conviction, though her voice wavered. _

_Her father's steel blue eyes were on her in an instant. His hand reached out to grasp her shoulder firmly as he met her scared gaze. "Anvi, listen to me. I will do everything in my power to get us all out of here safely, but you and your mother come first."_

"_Dad…I –" he shook his head and she bit her lip, nodding faintly. _

"_Anvi, I never wanted this for you." Her father sighed and pulled another pistol from his belt, pressing it into her trembling hand. "You must do whatever it takes to survive. You're a Shepard – you can do this." He paused, eyes on the gun he'd placed in her hand, before they moved to her frightened young face. "I know I…don't say this a lot, Anvi…I'm proud of you, and I love you."_

"_Dad, I –" he shook his head. "I love you too…"_

_Her father and mother embraced. Shepard's heart raced, her short auburn hair sticking to her pale, perspiring face. The gun felt odd in her trembling hand. When her father released her mother, he turned his gaze back to her. "Anvi – you know what you have to do. Even if the Alliance gets the Distress beacon, there is no guarantee they will arrive in time. We have no idea how many Batarians are in the Colony, or in the surrounding area. Get to the holding area and you lock yourself in there until help arrives."_

"_Dad, I can't…"_

"_Anvi Shepard! Do I make myself clear?" _

_Shepard swallowed, tears rolling down her cheeks; she was a child, sure, but she knew what this was. Her father was saying goodbye. There was a good chance she would never see him again. Lips tensely pressed together, she nodded and gripped the pistol rightly in her hand. _

"_As __**soon**__ as I catch their attention, you and your mother go, do I make myself clear?" Again, she nodded. He gave them one last lingering gaze, sadness etched into the lines of his face and the hue of his eyes, before he moved around the crate and left her line of sight; it all seemed so surreal. It felt like just yesterday he was carrying a squealing little girl on his shoulders, laughing excitedly about some meaningless discovery they'd made. Shots rang out and her mother grabbed her free hand, yanking her, making her stumble out of their hiding spot. Her father had gone through the doors and was now firing at the Batarians from behind a rather impromptu barricade. He caught her gaze. "GO!" he mouthed, and then her mother was dragging her. They turned and bolted, running through the shelter into an adjacent home where more bodies laid strewn about. They kept moving, Batarians outside paying them no heed as they focused on the civilian firing at them, at least until they came to the main crossover bridge that led to the holding shelter. _

_A Batarian had more eyes, Shepard realized; this was her first time ever actually seeing one. Four eyes had caught a flash of their clothing as they tried to make a dash across the bridge, and the Batarian turned, shouting orders to the others just beside him. Her father way at the end of the way saw what had happened and began to fire in earnest, trying to draw their attention away from Shepard and her mother as they ran. Two Batarians broke away from the unit and came after them; Shepard tried not to panic – they were going to make it out of this, they had to._

_When the Batarians appeared at the end of the bridge, running toward them, Shepard's mother tore the pistol from her hand and shoved her. "GO! Get inside now! Use the emergency codes we taught you!" She turned to the aliens and fired, wounding one but only pissing off the other. _

"_Mom!"_

"_ANVI GO NOW!" She shoved her again, making her tumble through the doors of the building just behind them. "I love you, Anvi. Be safe." And with that she slammed her hand on the door controls and sealed Shepard inside. She could hear the pistol firing at the door and she knew that her mother was blasting out the controls so she couldn't open them. Shepard pounded on the door, crying out her mother's name, broken sobs wracking her body as she heard her mother's scream fade away as no doubt the two Batarians dragged her away to do god knows what to her. _

_She had to go, she had to go – the thought kept replaying through her head, it's what her parents wanted. Stumbling over her feet, she moved to the wall panel and uncovered a hidden console that she punched a number code into. The wall panel fell shut and the floor slid open, revealing a stair case that led beneath the shack. Still crying, she made her way down the stairs and through the door once it opened to allow her through; the floor panel slid shut, disguising the hidden entryway as no more than the shack's floor. The lights in the room flickered on and she hit the button, the door hissing shut behind her as she stumbled to the control console. Trembling fingers flew over the keypad, punching in the emergency codes that her parents had taught her; it would send out a distress beacon with codes only the Alliance had ciphers to, and lock the panel for entry to anyone who didn't have the code the message contained. _

_Sliding to the floor, she curled up and held herself as the only life she had ever known, crumbled to ruins around her._

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><p>Shepard shot up in her bed, her body drenched in sweat, the sheets clinging to her pale skin. Her stomach rolled in protest to the dream, the smell of burning flesh something she never liked to recall. She felt sick. Her throat started to burn and she knew without a doubt what was coming next; swinging her legs over the edge, she stumbled to her feet and bolted to her bathroom. She knelt beside the toilet and gripped the floor as she proceeded to empty her stomach of the meager dinner she'd had only hours before. She sat for a minute, taking a deep breath to steady her trembling body.<p>

"Shall I call doctor Chakwas for you, Shepard?" EDI offered through the comm.

"Nah, I'm okay. It's…normal," she said after a moment, realizing that it was – it just wasn't the dream, it came with her condition. Maybe that's why she had dreamt of Mindoir…of her parents.

"As you say. There is a new message at your private terminal from Major Alenko."

Shepard stood and cracked her back with a sigh, only then realizing that Kaidan hadn't been in bed with her when she woke. "When did Kaidan leave?" She asked EDI.

"Major Alenko was logged leaving the Normandy two hours ago."

"He left the ship?" Her brows crunched together; Kaidan hadn't mentioned anything about leaving.

"Affirmative, and though I could likely read the message for you, I believe he wanted you to read it yourself."

Shepard shook her head with a small smile; maybe EDI _had_ been spending too much time with Joker on the bridge since she had gotten her body. She was certainly more humorous since he unshackled her during the Collector attack. Not that she minded, humor kept things light hearted enough for her not to lose her mind when the weight on her shoulders felt like too much. "Thanks EDI," she mumbled as she sat in her chair, turning on the terminal. The message tagline read 'Sorry' and she tapped on it, opening the file to read it.

_Shepard,_

_Hackett tried to contact you but I told him you needed your rest. Something happened and the Admiral needed someone from the Normandy. I am taking a shuttle to the London HQ. I will try to be back soon. Hopefully before you wake. _

_I love you,_

_Kaidan._

"Something happened?..." She studied the message for a long moment, looking for anything that could contain hidden meanings. Even this was a bit vague for Kaidan. That…that couldn't be a good thing, could it? "EDI, can you tell me if Admiral Hackett is available on the comm?"

"Affirmative, Shepard. However, Major Alenko is with him."

"Put me through to the Admiral." Her terminal beeped, EDI establishing a safe link to the Admiral Hackett's comm line. "Hackett, this is Shepard."

"Shepard, good to hear from you; Major Alenko came in your stead when I tried to raise you."

"I know; what happened?" She swallowed, her stomach rolling in protest. Had her dream of a memory long past been more than she had assumed? Her dreams since she had left Earth had been strange in that way, almost foreshadowing of things to come. It had only been a week since they destroyed the Crucible; why couldn't the Galaxy just be happy in its survival and be content to be at peace? She had done so damn much to end this war. She suddenly felt the urge to punch something, her emotions bubbling too close to the surface for her to be comfortable with.

"Shepard, I think it will be better to let Alenko handle this. This might be something difficult to deal with."

"There isn't a whole lot I _haven't _dealt with since the war started, Admiral."

Kaidan's comm linked with theirs. "Shepard, I think he is right about this." He sounded concerned, which only made her need to know that much more powerful.

"You two, of all people, know I do not like being kept in the dark." She grit her teeth, trying to keep her tone neutral, even as irritation rubbed at her. Had to be the hormones, it had to be. She normally wasn't so…short-fused. The war had changed a lot of people, though, hadn't it.

"As you say, Shepard." Hackett sighed softly. "I was just filling Alenko in on the details. Human colonies all around the Galaxy have been reporting in since the end of the attack. Mostly damage and casualty reports…Mindoir reported in as well, however…"

Mindoir…she had been dreaming of home, of Mindoir. The day it fell, when she had been thrust into a whole new life in the wake of a decimated one. "However…?"

"The casualties were low. Only Reaper threat they dealt with were an occasional scout. A Reaper vessel never touched down – it isn't densely populated, so it was unlikely to be high on the Reaper's list of planets to harvest."

"What's the problem then?"

"The colony went silent yesterday at 1900; we have been trying to raise it since, but to no avail."

"I will look into it." She said it without hesitation, though her hands trembled at the thought of returning to Mindoir. She hadn't stepped foot on the planet, the colony, since the Alliance and Anderson had taken her from there.

"Shepard…" Kaidan tried to say something, but he suddenly stopped, as if the Admiral had shook his head to cease his protest.

"Major Alenko will return shortly with the details. Hackett out."

Shepard cut the comm link and sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. She was going home.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **Anvi Shepard is Paragon Colonist/Sole Survivor; she's tough and has had it rough, but I like the depth of character a hard life can provide – I also like that I gave her such a hard going, but she is Paragon, and endeavors to do the right thing. I don't see a lot of fics myself with Shepard's past, so to me it is nice to expand upon it so much later in the series.

Again, thanks for all your lovely reviews. I love every one of them! (And I am sorry I don't get time to personally respond to each).

_Disclaimer: Don't own it._

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><p>"Shepard, I really don't think this is a good idea," Kaidan sighed and rubbed his temples where he sat on the edge of their bed. Shepard worried that he had another migraine starting. It was something he suffered from regularly due to his L2 implants.<p>

"I have every right to go." She frowned; okay, so he was worried, she got that, but she had already told him she was going to go and, usually, he never second guessed her. This was one of those times that being together could put her at a disadvantage when it came to her duties, or what she saw as her duties. She didn't like butting heads with him, though she had been known to throw a few well-placed head-butts whenever she happened to be around her Krogan friends. Something that had Wrex seeing her as an honorary Krogan, as odd as that picture was. "It should be me, Kaidan."

"Don't 'Kaidan' me," he mumbled, making Shepard's frown more set; she hadn't heard him say that since Mars. That probably wasn't a good thing.

"Don't you start that 'this is business' speech with me, again, Kaidan." She stood from her spot on the sofa, pacing over to the stairs and walking up them to stare at the assortment of fish that adorned her rather massive aquarium. "Even if this was about business, it's not just that." She folded her arms. "This is personal, you know that."

"Which is why this is a bad idea." She turned to look at him and found that he wasn't just irritated, but hurt; a mixed expression she had seen a multitude of times before their dinner date on the Citadel. "It's not just personal for you. You have a baby to think about. Your health is the most important thing right now, Shepard and going on this mission…it could affect you in ways we don't even know." He pressed his hands to his knees, his face stern; he was worried, but he was refusing to back down about this.

Damnit, she was a soldier! She knew better than to think that she could sit around and play housewife until the baby came; he should have known her better than to think that, too! She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Kaidan, I will be fine. We beat the Reapers and lived to tell the tale and – "

"Barely!" He snapped out, causing her to raise her gaze to hear him speak like that. It wasn't often she heard Kaidan's emotions get the better of him.

"_And_," she sighed, "I am certain we can handle checking out a colony."

The silence stretched for a very long, tense moment, before he sighed, nearly all the fight seeping out of him by the way his shoulders dropped as he shook his head. "It's not just some colony, Shepard. It's _your _colony, _your home_…"

Slowly she approached him, kneeling in front of him and placing a gloved hand on his cheek. His hand came up immediately to cover hers', holding it there, his amber eyes moving over her face. "Kaidan, I get that you're worried, but that's why it has to be me…it is _my home._ If something has happened to the colony, I can't turn my back on them." She held his gaze, steady, though she was worried he wouldn't understand – he hadn't understood about Cerberus, and the last thing she wanted was for something to come between them again. They had lost years already, she wasn't about to let that happen again, not if she could help it.

His hand came up, his knuckles brushing over her cheek before he tucked her hair behind her ear. "I do understand, Shepard, I just…" He sighed and his hand moved to the back of her neck, gently pulling her as he leaned down to kiss her lips softly. "I worry, not only about your safety, but our baby's safety now too…I know you probably get sick of hearing this but it's just how I am…having lost you once already…"

"I know, Kaidan, I know." She held his face in both hands now and kissed him deeply, putting her love and emotions into the way their mouths melded together and caressed. "I am not leaving you again, not ever, I promise," she breathed the words over his lips, and he groaned, wrapping his arms around her to pull her to him and kiss her until they both couldn't think straight enough to talk any further.

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><p>"Commander, ETA 5 minutes."<p>

"Thanks Joker, we're headed down to the shuttle now. Keep in stealth 'til we know what's going on," Shepard ordered as she finished strapping herself into her N7 armor. She checked her weapons, going over the mods and securing them as Kaidan and Vega went about doing the same.

"Aye aye, Commander."

"Let's move people." They moved from the CIC to the elevator, taking the short ride down to the shuttle bay. She glanced at Vega. "Since Cortez is still in the ICU, you'll be piloting the shuttle, _but please _no head on collisions if you can help it."

The LT had the nerve to grin, as if proud of himself. "No promises, Commander, but I can try."

Shepard caught Kaidan's half glare and chuckled softly, nodding. "Let's go." They climbed into the Kodiak, Shepard and Kaidan seating themselves in the back while Vega took the pilot's seat and fired up the shuttle. The Normandy shuttle bay door opened and before long they were making their way out of it, the shuttle making easy way into the atmosphere around the planet of Mindoir, the winds subtle and the ride surprisingly calm. Something that made Shepard nervous; it felt eerie, like something Joker had said – the eye of the hurricane. Deceptively peaceful, before all hell broke loose.

She must have been showing some sort of unease, because Kaidan placed a hand on her armored leg. "Are you alright?" He whispered the words softly, so only she could hear him as the shuttle descended toward the planet.

"It's…quiet. It feels too…quiet." She pinched the bridge of her nose with a sigh. "Something doesn't feel right."

"Are you sure about this? Vega can take you back to the ship."

She dropped her hand and looked at him, trying not to glare with how much irritation those words caused in her. "And let you go in alone? No way! Don't you even suggest it."

He smiled faintly and nodded. "Aye aye, ma'am."

"Touch down, Commander." Vega set the Kodiak down on the planet's surface, just outside the main colony, jostling them just a bit as they came to their feet. The lieutenant joined them as Shepard did one last check of her weapons and armor.

"Alright, listen up people. We have no idea what's going on here. So, keep it quiet, keep low, and watch for possible hostiles. All we know is the colony stopped reporting in well over a day ago. We go in, find whatever data we can, sweep for survivors, and then we're out. Is that understood?" They both nodded and Shepard hit the console to let the shuttle doors open; at once she was hit with nostalgia, and an almost overwhelming sense of déjà vu, but she pressed her lips tightly together and signaled them to follow her. "Let's move."

She hefted up her N7 Valkyrie and hopped down off the shuttle, keeping low as they pressed forward. It was…strangely the same, yet felt utterly different; the buildings lay out before them, an almost exact mirror what they had been when Shepard had lived here. Not that it was out of the ordinary. They hadn't built from the ground up but had rebuilt from the decimated remains. They came to a stack of storage crates and she signaled for them to stop, dropping low and sliding out from behind the cover to move to the door of the closest building. She pressed her back to the door and signaled to Alenko to have them move up and flank the door, should hostiles be present inside. Once in position, she turned and hit the console controls, letting the door hiss open, their fingers ready on the triggers of their guns. It was empty, curiously quiet, not a single corpse yet. She frowned, moved into the room, and motioned for the others to follow her. A data pad lay on the desk of terminals and she picked it up, scanning over it quickly, wondering if it would shed any light on what exactly had occurred here.

_Do we even know why he's here? I mean, we have had some Alliance soldiers stationed after what happened to the original settlement, but he…he seems off. I don't like it. I feel like something is very wrong. Hopefully it's just me; Mindoir has been through enough. Maybe I am just paranoid. _

"Find anything?" Kaidan came to stand next to her as Vega kept a look out.

"Nothing concrete. Correspondence between colonists. Something about an Alliance soldier stationed here, but one that this colonist got a bad feeling from." Shepard frowned, read over the message again, before setting the data pad back onto the desk.

"Why would a stationed Alliance officer make them uneasy?" Vega asked, though he didn't turn, keeping his line of sight over the top of his assault rifle.

"No idea, yet. Let's keep moving."

They moved into the next room, Shepard's eyes quickly picking up on each detail as they moved; the empty sofa's, cans of soda and water placed about, papers on the tables – it was like they had been in the middle of their day and had simply vanished. God, it was like Horizon and Freedom's Progress all over again, though she knew it couldn't be. She had personally destroyed the Collector base, there was no way they could have abducted the colonists. The data pad had her wondering. Even after the Reapers were destroyed, was it possible to have indoctrinated agents? Her thoughts fled as they moved across the small bridge into the next building; a couple of bodies lay on the floor, blood splattered around the room from the multitude of gunshot wounds each body presented. Shepard's stomach lurched as they stilled. "Unlikely, but check for pulses," she ordered and they did as she said, though the sad shakes of their heads confirmed no pulse.

"Joker," Shepard fired up the comm. "This is Shepard. We have two males and one female. All dead. Be prepared for a quick drop if we have to make a dash back to the shuttle."

"Aye aye, Commander."

"See anything else?" She then asked Kaidan. He turned and handed her a data pad stained in blood. Her hand shook as she took it and, by the look he gave her, she knew he'd caught it. Her fingers wiped the blood from the screen so that she could make out the message.

_Something is really off about this Alliance officer. I catch him skulking around, looking into files of the old Mindoir, before we rebuilt. I saw him even looking over files of Shepard and her parents. I need to get a message to the Alliance; I think he is after Shepard. I need to –_

"What is it?" Kaidan's voice caught her off guard and she jerked, eyes finding him now standing just beside her, trying to get a look at the data pad. "You look pale."

"She thought he was after me…the message cut off. My guess is he found her." She sighed, straightening her spine; it was happening again. People even remotely connected her were dying. These people suffered because she had been raised here. Kaidan had almost died on Mars. Her squad on Akuze had died. Ashley had died. Thane…_too many._ She frowned tightly; this was going to stop, one way or another. She was not some bad luck magnet that would result in everyone around her suffering – she refused to allow that.

"You just saved the entire galaxy from the Reapers! Who would have the _cojones _to come after you?" Vega sounded pissed that someone would even consider harming her and that made her smile a little; it was always good to know that her friends would defend her, no questions asked.

"I don't think it's about that…this Alliance officer must have something against me." Shepard tried to think of anyone in the remnants of the Alliance who would be out to get her. If anything, she expected Batarians, not fellow soldiers, to be after her life.

"You just saved the Alliance, not to mention the human race, from extinction…why would – "

"I don't know, Kaidan, I don't know." She set the data pad down and then moved between the bodies, sliding their eyes closed. "But if this is to piss me off, it's definitely working."

"Shepard, I'm sorry – "

"Don't. It's okay, let's get moving. Who knows what else he's done. If there are any survivors, we have to get to them," she motioned for them to follow as she spoke. They moved through the building, continuing through what she recognized as the holding chamber; she vaguely wondered if the kept the hidden room below. As they moved through the small, surprising empty, room, she found her thoughts flashing back to that day when she had lost everything. The day she had curled into a ball and cried herself to sleep, waking determined to be stronger, to be the strongest, so that she could protect the people she cared about.

_No – don't think about it, just stay focused and keep moving. _

As they moved through the other homes, they found more bodies, all riddled with bullet holes. Whoever had done this had been angry. It angered her to think their anger at her had been taken out on innocents like these colonists. They reached the center of the colony, the main comm hub, and she signaled them to flank the doors as she opened them. She went in first; the office was tossed, terminals broken and bullet holes shattering the windows. More bodied lay about on the floor, abused as all the others that had come before them. Blood was everywhere and Shepard had to swallow to stave off the urge to vomit; such useless, misguided violence. This had to stop and it had to stop now. She wasn't about to let this Alliance officer off the hook, not if he had done all this just to get to her. A motion had the others following her in and they took in the grim scene around her, tight frowns on both of their faces.

Just as Kaidan moved closer to her, possibly to say something, the large screen over the main lobby desk lit up. There, on that screen, was someone she thought she never would have come across again, though his message when she had been with Cerberus should have made her think otherwise. Funny, how good actions could come back to bite you in the ass later.

"Good to see you have finally shown yourself, _Admiral Shepard,_" the man spat.

"Is that…?"

"Yes, Kaidan; that is Corporal Toombs, the only other survivor from Akuze." Shepard narrowed her eyes, lowering her N7 Valkyrie as she moved toward the screen. "What have you done, Toombs?"

"You joined Cerberus knowing what they did to us, to our squad, Shepard. Whatever has happened, you brought on yourself," the man spat, his face twisted with cruelty; she had barely managed to keep him from killing a Cerberus scientist and convinced him to get help, but it did little good it seemed.

"I gave you a chance to walk away, Toombs, but what you have done here has to redemption. And you know, as well as the entire Alliance, that I no longer have ties with Cerberus, and I killed the Illusive Man." Shepard snapped out, her trigger finger twitching; the imbalance of her hormones was creating problems in keeping control over her emotions. She wanted to kill him, kill him dead, for the atrocities he'd done. For the countless number of bodies behind them he'd shot in cold blood. "These people were innocent!"

"They stopped being innocent the moment you joined Cerberus, Shepard!" Obviously the man was out of his mind.

"He's lost it," Kaidan echoed her thoughts quite accurately.

"Definitely _loco_," Vega mumbled.

"Toombs, you have one chance to surrender yourself, or by the Gods, I will kill you. I will come for you and you won't escape me. You attacked my home, my people, simply over some vendetta you have with me. I _am not_ Cerberus." She nearly growled the words. "Cerberus is dead, over, finished. This was pointless!"

He stared at her, from the other side of the screen, wherever he was, as if he were contemplating her words. Then he smirked and shook his head. "It wasn't pointless. You're here now and this won't be finished until one of us is dead." With that, the comm feed cut and the screen went blank.

Shepard's eyes dropped to the floor and she seemed to study it in silence for what felt like eternity. Finally, Kaidan's hand on her shoulder brought her back to the present, her thoughts having wandered to a moment on Akuze before the Thresher Maws had ravaged her squad…when Toombs hadn't been such a bad soldier. "Let's move."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **Not much on author notes, just a thank you for the continued reviews, alerts, and favorites. They mean a lot! And, my 100th reviewer, seeing as I have never gotten so many, insert big happy grin here, will receive a Shenko one-shot of their choice. ^_^

_Disclaimer: Bioware._

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><p>Kaidan didn't really like how quiet Shepard had become after Toombs' comm call, or the way she had shut down; throughout her mission to unite the galaxy, she had seemed to hold together remarkably well. Thessia had been the real first indication she was wearing down, shutting herself off because she had admitted that she had felt like she was failing. He could only imagine how she felt in this moment. If she hadn't spared Toombs, saved him, the colonists would likely never have met this fate. He could only imagine the guilt she must be feeling. He wasn't naïve enough to believe she wasn't blaming herself for this. He wanted to say <em>something<em>, do _something_, but after she had seemingly brushed off his concern, he found himself at a loss.

They continued to move through the central comm center of the colony, Shepard stopping occasionally to scan for life signs with her omni tool. Her continued frown didn't help ease his worries. She was generally a caring person, often too lenient and forgiving, understanding, but even he doubted Toombs would be getting a second chance. Shepard wasn't going to let him go, not again, not after what he had done.

"He has to be here somewhere," Vega commented, glancing around the room they were in with a precise gaze, not overlooking a single detail of its layout.

"How big is the colony, Shepard?" Kaidan asked and she turned her somewhat shuttered face toward him. He didn't want her to shut him out; he wasn't going to let her.

"I don't know if they expanded it, but it seemed the same as when I was here last. This is the only place he could be," she mumbled somewhat, tapping a few keys on her omni tool. "We went through most of the buildings already."

"_Loco pendejo_ probably set up a trap."

"Let's not rule it out." Shepard put away her omni tool, letting it fade as she took a look around the room. "We have the comm tower and landing pad ahead, just up those stairs, and maybe some miscellaneous offices."

"Why is he doing this, Shepard?" Kaidan frowned. "Is it just because of Cerberus?"

Shepard smiled a bit sadly. "You weren't the only one put off by the fact I was working with Cerberus. Well, more like using them. I was going to take out the Collector's any way I could and they were the only ones willing to listen. It's what they brought me back for." She sighed. "Not that the Illusive Man didn't regret that – he found out the hard way that he couldn't pull the strings of someone not willing to be his puppet."

Kaidan was at a loss; now more than ever, he regretted the harsh way he had treated her, and how little trust he had actually had in her. He'd let his hate of Cerberus warp his belief in her. He should have known better. Even after she had saved his life, not once, but _twice _– first the Collector attack on Horizon, then the Cerberus Coup on the Citadel – he'd still doubted her. He was a fool to think he'd really loved her; what kind of person didn't trust the one they loved?

"Anyway," Shepard's voice brought him out of his morose thoughts. "I was sure it was the Illusive Man and…Miranda, who spread the word I was with Cerberus, even before I was sighted alive. Toombs got wind of it, no doubt looked into it, and then sent me a message. It was essentially a threat."

"He threatened you? Definitely _loco_," mumbled Vega, shaking his head with a grin.

Kaidan frowned. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Shepard blinked once, then twice, a smile cracking its way over her supple lips. "Kaidan, I appreciate the concern, but we both knew he wasn't stable. Hell, even I had to go through mandatory therapy after Akuze. I didn't think much of his threat at the time. I had…" she waved her hand emphatically, "a bigger issue to attend to."

He supposed that was true. He probably wouldn't have paid much attention to it either had he been in her shoes. "Where do you think he is hiding?"

"Personally? On the landing pad. Easiest way to escape should his plan backfire. He wants me dead, but I'm not so sure he is ready to die himself to see it through." She sighed and looked off toward the stairs. "He was already suffering from _severe_ PTSD. I didn't think he could get any more unstable than he already was when we found him, Kaidan. I'm starting to wonder if I shouldn't have let him go."

Just as Kaidan would have approached her and said something reassuring, Vega was there, patting her on the shoulder. "You couldn't have known he would do this, Lola." Kaidan frowned, feeling an unfamiliar churn in his gut; was he actually jealous? Vega _was _a flirt, after all.

"Thanks, James, but we have to stop him. I can't let him go this time."

Vega nodded and took point, heading toward the stair case with his M-96 Mattock assault rifle raised and ready. Shepard was right behind him, with her N7 Valkyrie assault rifle, Kaidan pulling up the rear with his semi-automatic Arc pistol. They moved cautiously up the stairs, Vega taking the right side of the door on top, Kaidan moving to flank from the left side as Shepard moved to take point. She glanced at both of them, all sharing a brief nod, before she hit the controls and the door slid open. Eyes remained down the sight of her rifle, scanning the hall in front of them for possible hostiles, before she moved in, signaling them to follow. The hall led straight to the comm tower, though offices lay to their lefts and rights, all in disarray and each containing at least one dead colonist, if not more.

"The hall breaks into two just before the door to the comm center. I will take point, Kaidan I want you to take the right hall and take the side entrance in. Vega, you got my back." Shepard gave her orders as they came to the break in the hall.

Kaidan wanted to argue, say that he should be the one at her twelve, watching her back, but he knew she was trusting him and his biotics to get the jump on anyone who may be inside if he came in undetected. "Aye aye, ma'am." He gave her a lingering gaze, their eyes locking for a brief moment, before he moved down the hall. He lost sight of them as he disappeared down the corridor, turning to corner and sliding along the wall toward the door. Once he reached the door, flanking it from the left, he tapped on his comm. "In position, Shepard."

"On my order." He waited, almost with bated breath. Toombs was most likely to be in there and knowing what he did about Shepard's condition, it was hard not to be worried. He had to let it go, or at least ease up, she was a Soldier, like him, and she wasn't going to let a romance, a family, stop her doing what she thought her duty was, though Kaidan was adamant in his belief that she had already went above and beyond her duty long before now. "Go!" He hit the console and slipped in through the doors on silent steps, catching across the room with a brief glance both Vega and Shepard. Toombs was on the far side, near the comm tower's exit door to the landing pad, unaware of his presence, his line of sight fixed squarely on Shepard through the scope of his Widow Sniper rifle, from where he crouched behind an overturned table.

"Don't move," Toombs said loud enough for Shepard and Vega to hear, both ceasing their movements at his order, both fully aware that the sight of his gun was trained on Shepard. "You can tell your other man to stand down, Alenko, I believe it was."

Shepard made a motion toward him and Kaidan narrowed his eyes, shaking his head. She nodded briefly, her eyes telling him to trust her. Gritting his teeth, he moved out from his hidden place behind a desk and joined Shepard and Vega on the one side of the room. So much for their advantage.

"I learned every layout of every building just for this, Shepard," Toombs said, as if he were reading Kaidan's thoughts, making him frown tightly, his biotics humming through him and threatening to flare around him. _He _wanted Toombs dead now, for simply having pointed a gun at Shepard.

Shepard kept her gun lowered, at her side; a deceptive sign of peace because Kaidan knew exactly how fast she could throw up her weapon and unload a barrage of bullets into the crazy corporal. "Toombs…it doesn't have to be like this." Her voice was calm, though he could see the faint bit of fear in her eyes that she could have hid from anyone except him. He'd seen that fear, when she told him that she would be waiting for him after they defeated the Reapers, and that he had better show up. As much as he fronted being brave, he too had thought they all would die at the hands of the Reapers; he had even told her, they knew it was goodbye. It was funny how some things turned out – one moment he thought they would all die, the next he was alive, she was alive, and he was to be a father.

"Yes it does, Shepard," Toombs voice made him refocus, fingers twitching briefly as he pushed back the urge to rip the sniper rifle straight out of the man's hands with his biotics.

"Toombs, you were a good soldier once; turn yourself in." She kept her voice calm, cool, almost reassuring, despite the anger he knew was boiling just under the surface.

"I'm no fool. They would execute me for this, but it needed to be done. I had to draw you out somehow and I knew Hackett would involve you if it was Mindoir." Toombs sighed, almost dramatically. Kaidan kept his stance tilted, firmly on Shepard in his peripheral vision, waiting for any subtle signal she may give him.

There was a tense silence and Kaidan could see the hand holding her rifle tremble ever so slightly. "Toombs, I will only give you this once chance to surrender, before I will be forced to put you down myself. You murdered innocent people, Toombs, just like Cerberus murdered our squad. You have fallen to their tactics, you are just like them."

"Shut up!" The man snapped out, clearly insulted and irritated by her words. "You are Cerberus. You are the one who turned your back on the Alliance and worked for those traitors. I am not like them."

"Are you insane? Who else was helping with the Collectors? Would you rather have had me turn myself in and twiddle my thumbs while the Collectors went unopposed? While they kidnapped colony after colony and made them into human mush they fed into a human _Reaper?_" Shepard snapped back. "Yeah, that's right, they were liquefying us. If I had to use Cerberus to stop that, so be it."

The sniper rifle trembled slightly and Kaidan looked at the corporal to see the fear on his face at Shepard's words; even Kaidan hadn't heard the details of Shepard's mission to the Collector base. Every time he had asked, she had simply said 'I would rather spare you the nightmares'. "You could have done it on your own," Toombs insisted. "How could you go to them after what I told you?" Was the man crying? He couldn't quite tell. "Our whole squad, Shepard. They killed them all, every last one of them. Miles, Sailey, Boyd, Stevenson; _all of them._"

"You don't think I know that, Toombs? For the longest time I thought you were dead, too." She sighed, eyes dipping briefly to the ground. "I don't understand how you all died and how I made it back to the LZ, but somehow I did. I crawled my way back, bloody, defeated, and barely conscious. They took me to the hospital, I was out for days. I barely survived. I had to go through therapy, to avoid PTSD, but I still had dreams, nightmares, of all of you." She raised her eyes back to Toombs, the silver-blue orbs suddenly hard as steel. "The Batarians wiped out my home, Cerberus wiped out my squad, I was _not _about to let the Collector's to do the same to people I cared about, even _if I had to work with Cerberus._"

The room was suddenly too quiet, Toombs' hands shaking. The rifle he had aimed on Shepard shook as well. Kaidan knew the man was weighing her words, and his options. "I'm sorry, Shepard, it's too late." The words made Kaidan's blood run cold and as soon as they were said, Toombs tightened his finger on the trigger and the bullet went straight for Shepard. It was suddenly as if everything fell into slow motion; as Kaidan dove for Shepard, he threw up a hasty biotic barrier, though it didn't help. Toombs must have used an anti-barrier mod on his rifle, because the bullet ripped straight through his barrier and slammed into his shoulder, blood splattering on his armor as he fell.

"_Kaidan!" _Shepard's voice rang out and as he caught himself on his knees, he saw her lift her rifle as Toombs was reloading his, and unleash a full clip into the unshielded corporal. He screamed, blood flowing from several holes as the bullets found purchase in his flesh, his body flying back from the force to the floor, where Kaidan could hear him gurgle on his own blood.

Shepard knelt beside Kaidan, signaling to Vega. "Make sure the bastard is dead," she hissed and the lieutenant nodded, running out of his direct line of vision to deal with the fallen corporal, whom he was sure was dead. "Kaidan, you damned idiot!" Shepard hissed the words, half broken as she hastily took in his wound; he was lucky it had been a through and through, that meant she could apply the medi gel without having to pull out a bullet first. He winced as she did just that, the gel cool at first, before seeping into his wound hotly and working at repairing the marred flesh beneath his armor.

"Couldn't let him hurt you," he grunted, adjusting himself so that he sat, holding his injured arm.

"You think I wanted you hurt!" She snapped it out so fiercely that he knew it wasn't a question she expected him to answer. "Damnit Kaidan, I can't lose you either!" Her hands framed his face and she was suddenly kissing him, hotly, almost possessively. After a moment, she leaned back, and he could see that she was fighting to hold back tears. "Don't you ever do that again."

He grinned, almost cheekily, despite the pain. "Aye aye, ma'am."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N**: Again, more love for the favorites, alerts, and reviews. You guys rule, seriously! And with more reviews, come presents. 100th reviewer will be getting a Shenko one-shot of their choice, which I will link in this fic once it's done as well. I am just ecstatic with all the love this fic gets; thank you so much!

_Disclaimer: Bioware._

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><p>Kaidan was taken straight to the Med Bay once the Normandy retrieved them from Mindoir. Shepard was reluctant to leave him, but she needed to get a progress update to Hackett, even though she had already had EDI forward the report. Reassuring him she would be back sooner rather than later, and kissing him quickly on the cheek, she left the Med Bay and took the Elevator to the CIC, and then proceeded through the right hand doors toward the war room, which gave way to the comm room.<p>

"EDI, link me to Admiral Hackett."

"At once, Shepard."

The comm fizzled for a moment, Earth's link still a touch unstable as they rebuilt, before Hackett's holo image stood just in front of her. "Shepard, hell of a thing you just had to go through on Mindoir. It's hard to think one of our own fell so far and right on the heels of the Reaper invasion." The old man shook his head. "A shame." His gaze narrowed, taking in her somewhat defense stance, her arms folded and the way she subtly leaned back. "Shepard?"

"I owe you an apology, Admiral. I know you've read the report, but I am the one who decided to let Toombs go with the condition he got help." She sighed and dropped her arms. "I feel if I hadn't let him go three years ago, this never would have happened."

"Shepard, we make hard calls every single day. Lives are lost, but we press on, that's what we do. You couldn't have known Toombs would do this." Hackett sighed and shook his head. "History is always there, but we can't let our mistakes haunt us and make us lesser soldiers. Each defeat makes us stronger, remember that."

Shepard couldn't help the small smile that tugged at the edges of her lips. As much as Anderson had seemed like a father to her, Hackett felt like family as well; a pep talk from him never failed to help rile her spirit. Her fight. "I'll remember that, Admiral. Thank you." She pressed her lips together, eyes dipping toward the floor.

"There is something else, isn't there, Shepard?" Hackett had the nerve to sound almost amused – like a father who was calmly helping his daughter through her problems.

"As a matter of fact, yes, there is." Her eyes came back up to the holo of Hackett. "As much as Anderson wanted this for me, I am afraid I will be taking time off, possibly indefinitely."

"You seemed so sure when you accepted, Shepard. Might I ask about the change of heart?" Did he sound genuinely disappointed?

"There is…something I have neglected to tell you, Admiral. You know I have broken fraternization regulations." She blushed slightly, adverting her gaze for a moment before daring to look back at him, though the older man didn't seem phased in the least.

"Shepard, we have all broken them at some point or another." He actually chuckled. "But to answer your insinuated question, yes, I do know. It was a little hard to miss the way Major Alenko looks at you."

"Yes, well…it would appear I am pregnant, sir."

His eyes visibly widened beneath the brim of his hat, his mouth gaping slightly. "Is…is that even possible? Physically, I mean."

Shepard nodded slightly. "EDI and I looked into it thoroughly, Admiral. Miranda Lawson, the ex-Cerberus who led Project Lazarus, assured me that all my womanly parts are…" she waved a hand emphatically, "…in working order. I am several weeks along, according to Doctor Chakwas."

"I see." Hackett rubbed his chin thoughtfully and she wondered briefly if he was upset with her or happy for her. She preferred the latter. Though, even if she was happy about it, there was still a lot she had to…process, herself. She couldn't expect everyone to react positively, though Joker's reaction had been absolutely _priceless_; she doubted she would ever forget that expression on her pilot's face. "How do you feel about this, Shepard?"

The question caught her off guard. Telling Kaidan had been the priority after she had researched how her being pregnant was possible. Shepard hadn't actually stopped to think how _she _felt about it; once she found out, she had simply accepted it as it was, something she had done often in her life, both as a soldier and a survivor of impossible odds. That was Shepard in a nut shell; a survivor. When she had found out about the pregnancy, her mind accepted it as another thing she would survive, but now that she was being questioned about her feelings…she was unsure. The last mission had made her realize she couldn't go on as she had before, not without risking the baby's life, something Kaidan and she would never be able to live with. Whether or not she liked it, she had to take a step back and relieve herself of active duty; at least until after the baby was born. "I…am happy, I think, Hackett. As you know, my family was killed on Mindoir, so I was orphaned. Anderson and you have been the closest I have had to father figures." She smiled and nodded faintly. "I don't know how to be a mother, or how to be anything other than a soldier, it's who I am, but a family with Kaidan…well, it's a nice thought."

This time Hackett smiled. "Then I am happy for you. I would at least hope the Major plans to make an honest woman out of you." The Admiral cocked a brow in question.

She blinked and laughed softly with a nod. "Yes, he did ask me to marry him, but I'm not exactly wife material."

"He's a lucky man, Shepard, don't ever doubt that." Damn hormones, she could swear she felt her eyes watering faintly. "I would like you to stay in charge of the Normandy, at least for now, Admiral. Active duty or not, she is _your ship._ We can discuss details further when it comes to that." She nodded and they both saluted.

"We will return to Earth for now, Admiral. We want to be involved in rebuilding."

"Understandable. We will see you soon then, Shepard. Hackett out."

* * *

><p>When she made it back to the Med Bay, Kaidan was asleep, much to her surprise. Chakwas told her that the stress from the gunshot wound had induced one of his notorious headaches, so she had given him a sedative to help sleep it off. Shepard told Chakwas to alert her the moment he woke and made her way to the elevator to take it to her cabin in the loft of the Normandy. She was overdue to write some messages, so she sighed and sat at her personal terminal.<p>

(Private Terminal: Admiral Anvi Shepard, SSV Normandy, 2187 C.E. 4:34 p.m.)

I miss you guys, you have no idea. Sending this as a mass message to reach each of you, as some crazy things have been happening here. Any of you remember Corporal Toombs? He completely lost it, went to Mindoir and wiped out the colony to lure me there; safe to say that is probably my last mission…for a while. Not because I want it to be, mind you, but there is something else you guys need to know…I'm pulling out of active duty for now, turns out I am pregnant. I can just picture the looks on each of your faces right now, especially you, Vakarian. But yeah, Kaidan and I are going to be parents…crazy, huh?

Get back to me soon, alright? Shepard out.

(Sent to: Garrus Vakarian, Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy, Doctor Laira T'Soni 2187 C.E. 4:40 p.m.)

She shut off the terminal screen once the message was sent, leaning back in her chair. "Joker, set a course for Earth."

"Aye aye, ma'am."

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><p>She must have dozed off, because gentle fingers running through her hair woke her, eyes fluttering open to see Kaidan leaning over her from the back of her chair. She mmm'd softly as the fingers of his uninjured arm continued to gentle massage at her scalp, the tension from having fallen asleep so awkwardly, slipping away to give into genuine relaxation.<p>

"You fall asleep working again?" He asked softly, a small smile lifting a corner of his lips.

"For once, no. Must've fallen asleep after I wrote the message for the others." She yawned a bit. "Let them know what's going on and…about the baby."

"Oh?" He chuckled slightly, adjusting his stance, his injured arm in a sling for now. "The light is blinking, so they must have written back. I can imagine their shock…"

"I think we were all a little shocked," she mumbled sleepily as she brought his hand to her lips, kissing it softly before she stood and stretched a little languidly, at least glad that she had remembered to change out of her armor once returning to the ship. That would have hurt, to have fallen asleep in the chair in armor. She almost shuddered to think of it. Keeping a hold of his hand, she walked down to the sofa and sat, pulling him down next to her and leaning into his side, his arm wrapping around her shoulders.

"Not going to check your messages?" He asked curiously.

"Nah, I want to talk to you first."

He chuckled, shaking his head briefly. "I'm in trouble, aren't I?"

"Don't worry, it's nothing like that." She rested her head against his chest, almost afraid to speak, this moment of being so close to him, in his arms, enough to make her completely content. "I told Admiral Hackett I'm pulling out of active duty."

She couldn't see his face, but she felt his body tighten slightly and she could just picture the puzzled expression she was sure he was wearing. "Why?"

She leaned up, scooting back some to that she could turn to face him, taking his hand in hers. Their eyes met, his anxious and curious, hers oddly calm and clear. "Mindoir made me realize I can't keep living my life the way I have for so long; I've always been a survivor, Kaidan, and I have been through a helluva lot, even for a soldier. And, once upon a time, I still wouldn't have traded that life for anything. I am a soldier, inside and out, but…I can't continue like this, if I want us to have this baby. I…I felt like a fool when we came back to the ship after what Toombs pulled…you could have died...and if you hadn't taken that bullet for me, I could have very well died, or worse, lived but lost the baby."

"Shepard – "

She pressed a finger to his lips and smiled. "Let me finish. I'm not one to get all touchy-feely and open, so let me get out all I wanted to say before I lose my nerve." He smiled slightly and nodded, kissing her finger before she withdrew it. "I have some…serious reservations about being a mother, Kaidan. I have dealt with loss my entire life; I don't expect things to ever stay peaceful. I have fought for every inch I have ever gotten. I…don't know how to live a peaceful life, how to be a family, much less how to raise a child, but…like I told Hackett…a family with you, it's a nice thought…if I am going to try it, I want to try it with you. I will give it my all, to be a good mother, but I can't just take the soldier out of who I am."

Was he tearing up? Spirits, she had made him cry. Before she could frown and say something, he smiled and wrapped his good arm around her, bringing her close. "I would never expect you to stop being a soldier, Anvi," he whispered reverently into her hair, "and this is far more than I expected, really. It means so much to me, makes me so happy, that you would do this for us, for our baby." He kissed the top of her head, his body shuddering slightly with what emotion she wasn't sure. "I will let Hackett know that I will go back to teaching Biotics, and I am sure we can find you something to do as well, Shepard, like lectures, or teaching recruits."

She chuckled softly and nodded, kissing the side of his delectable neck. "I hadn't thought of that. You think of everything, don't you, you sexy man."

"That I do, ma'am." She leaned up shaking her head, body shuddering slightly as she suppressed a laugh. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, I'm just…happy." Shepard's lips curled into a genuinely content smile, her hand taking his as she led him to the bed. "Come, let's get some rest. We'll be at Earth soon enough." They climbed into the bed together, under the covers, Kaidan wrapping his arm around her and holding her to his side as she slid easily into a light slumber, all the turmoil in her having given way to a strange, but wonderful, feeling of contentedness. Strangely, she wouldn't have had it any other way.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **Alright, been a few days. Really wanted to update fics overdue for a chapter; almost done with that. Yay! Also did a couple of one-shots. Now, onto you guys, here's an update for you before I get swept away in my plot bunny stampede. As _always_, THANK YOU so much for all the lovely reviews, alerts, and favorites!

_Disclaimer: BIOWARE._

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><p>Shepard woke with nausea again, her stomach rolling and churning almost painfully. She sat up slowly, putting a hand to her head as a wave of lightheadedness made the edges of her vision dot black. Kaidan hadn't woke when she sat up and she slipped out as quietly as she could, moving on bare feet with quick steps to reach the bathroom before she lost her dinner. Which she did. She panted, sucking in a breath once it was over; the taste was bile in her mouth and she moved to the sink, using her hand to bring some water to her mouth to swish it and spit it out, washing the taste away. When she sighed and raised her gaze, she found Kaidan standing in the doorway, his greying hair sticking up in places, chest bare, and eyes still half dazed as he yawned.<p>

"You okay?" He asked softly, genuinely concerned.

"Yeah…not the first time. Morning sickness," she chuckled and moved to him, kissing his cheek as he took her into his arms and held her. His hand roamed over her hair, caressing it soothingly as she leaned against him, the nausea subsiding.

"Have you asked Chakwas for something?"

"Nah. If I can handle the Reapers, I can handle a little morning sickness." She slipped from his arms and yawned, eyes catching the blinking green light on her private terminal; ah, that's right, Kaidan had mentioned it the night before that she had messages. No doubt they were from the others and she felt a nervous flutter – they would be shocked, of that she had no doubt, but she wanted them to accept it for what it was, a miracle. Something good that came of all the pain and loss she experienced in this three year war with sentient machines bent on their annihilation. "Wish I could have some caffeine," she grumbled, sitting at her desk. Her head fell back against the chair to glance at him. "Would you mind going down to the mess and grab me something to eat? I'm sure Gardner has something for an upset stomach."

He smiled softly, and nodded, leaning down to kiss her forehead gently, before he moved back down into the room to fetch a shirt. He glanced at the clock; oh-six-hundred. Early enough for crew members to be up, so he decided against the slippers and slipped on his socks and sneakers. "Back before you have time to miss me," he joked with a smile, leaving the Captain's Cabin to take the elevator to the mess two floors down.

Shepard turned back to the terminal once Kaidan left and turned on the screen. There were a number of messages – Garrus, Tali, and Hackett; briefly she wondered what Hackett would have messaged about that he couldn't call her on vid comm, but she tapped on Garrus' message first.

(Private Terminal: Special Task Force General Garrus Vakarian, 2187 C.E. 7:12 p.m.)

You? Retire? I don't see that happening, Shepard. You would be too bored. Go stir crazy in no time…Pregnant, or otherwise. About that…I didn't think that was possible, what with you having died and all. Not that I am saying it's a bad thing, just having a hard time seeing you as the mothering type – though I suppose you have a good number of kids over the years. Solving our problems and lecturing us. Though I would suggest we lay off the suicide missions. Between the two of us we have had plenty for both of our lifespans, can't say that about Liara though.

Things on Palaven are as bad as on Earth…everything is rubble, or damn close to it. We lost too much to the Reapers, but if it wasn't for you, we would have lost everything. Rebuilding has been hard but at least we have a shot. Hey, if they ever get the Citadel up and going again we have to go back to my favorite spot. You know, to catch a breather. I think we deserve a moment or two to breathe.

And Shepard? You'll be a wonderful mother, if not a bit unorthodox. And tell Alenko I think he'll be a pain in the ass father. Bet he'll love that.

(Sent to: Admiral Anvi Shepard, SSV Normandy, 2187 C.E. 7:41 p.m.)

Shepard smiled throughout the length of Garrus' message, chuckling a bit at the way he ended it; she missed him. He was her best friend, it was strange not to have him at her side, complaining about the calibrations on the Normandy's guns and who dared to screw them up. Shaking her head, she tapped onto Tali's message next.

(Private Terminal: Fleet Admiral Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy, 2187 C.E. 9:51 p.m.)

Pregnant? Really? I can't believe it! They really made sure to put you back together didn't they? Jokes aside, Shepard, I am happy for you. I am assuming Kaidan is over the top happy about this. He always said he wanted a family. I'm glad you two managed to work things out. After Horizon…well…I was worried there for a while. It's good that you are pulling back from active duty – you have to put your health first for now.

Rebuilding plans on Rannoch are going smooth now that the majority of the Fleet has settled back on planet. The Geth have been more than helpful. In no time at all we won't need our suits anymore. Can't believe it…been in a suit my entire life, but because of you and Legion I will be able to hold myself suit free on the surface of my home world. Thank you again, Shepard. I just wish Legion could be here. Is it strange that I miss a Geth?

We will have to make plans to see each other soon – I miss you all.

(Sent to: Admiral Anvi Shepard, SSV Normandy, 2187 C.E. 10:08 p.m.)

She had to agree with that last part – there was no way she could stay separated from them all. They would have to make plans to get together soon, the whole group; even crew from when the Normandy flew under Cerberus colors. Catching up with them had been highlights in the otherwise mostly dark hours of the Reaper War. She just…she wished the lost could be here with them; Thane, Anderson, Legion, and yes, even Mordin – as weird as she found the Salarian at times. She had to admit she liked him more when they met up this time around. Pledging himself to the Krogan's future had made Mordin better, made him someone Shepard found she could admire.

She missed them. Even dealing with as much loss as she had her entire life, it was still a strange thought to think she would never speak to them again, see them, or touch them. With a soft sigh, she tapped on the last message from Hackett.

(Private Terminal: Admiral Steven Hackett, London Alliance Headquarters, 2187 C.E. 5:00 p.m.)

Shepard. The Citadel is completely fixed. Fleets will be escorting it back to the Serpent Nebula tomorrow at thirteen-hundred. A new council will have to be formed, seeing as we lost the last to the Reapers. Report in as soon as you touchdown on Earth.

Hackett out.

(Sent to: Admiral Anvi Shepard, SSV Normandy, 2187 C.E. 5:07 p.m.)

"Any interesting reactions to report?" Kaidan's voice had her turning in the chair to face the door. The smell of soup – hint of chicken – nearly had her salivating. He held a bowl in his hands, heat wafting up visibly. He moved toward her, setting the bowl on the desk beside her terminal and handing her the spoon. "It's hot."

"Thanks," she smiled as she took the spoon, dipping it into the soup – which she saw was chicken noodle, her favorite – and digging out a bite, blowing on briefly before putting it on her tongue. She nearly mmm'd aloud at the taste; somehow, it just…hit the spot. "Garrus told me to tell you 'he'll be a pain in the ass father'. Said you'd like that." She chuckled.

Kaidan smirked, folding his arms over his chest. "Not that I should be surprised he'd say something like that."

"Tali is happy for us. Haven't heard from Liara yet." She took another bite.

"Knew there was a reason I liked her." He slipped his shoes off and slid his shirt back off, plopping onto the bed on his back. He folded his arms over his head and stared out at the stars through the roof window Shepard's cabin had – something he liked a lot. There was just something soothing about watching the stars, he found.

"Kaidan…can I ask you something?" She polished off the rest of the bowl and set the spoon down, standing up and moving to the top of the steps. She folded her arms across her chest, leaning against the fish tank with her hip and shoulder.

"You can ask me anything, Anvi. I think." He chuckled, rolling onto his side to prop himself up on an elbow. His amber gaze found her, a weary yet amused look in them.

"I feel a little stupid asking this considering what we faced but…does this scare you…at all?" She waved a hand, hoping he knew what she was asking. She didn't want to have to spell it out, already feeling foolish for asking it in the first place. How could a pregnancy make her nervous, afraid, when she had raced head on into Harbringer's beam to save the galaxy.

"The baby?" She nodded and he laughed, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. "Definitely. It's something new and we are always afraid of the unknown. I am happy, though. And excited. I think it's something that invokes a whole bundle of emotions."

"Good to know." She smiled softly.

"ETA to Earth 3 hours," Joker announced over the comm; they must have passed through the relay when she was asleep. Vaguely, she inwardly laughed at the thought that maybe the relay jump is what triggered her morning sickness.

"Thanks Joker, let me know when we are ten minutes out."

"Aye aye, Commander."

Shepard padded on bare feet over to the bed and plopped gently onto her side, wrapping an arm around Kaidan's neck to draw his head down so that she could kiss him deeply. Their tongues caressed, sliding along each other's and teasing, stroking endless fires of passion they felt for each other. Pulling back, she tugged on his lower lip with her teeth.

"Feeling a little frisky, Commander?" He murmured against her lips, nipping, before dragging his lips down to tease her delicate jawline, his hand caressing her hip before sliding back to cup her supple bottom.

"Mmm, always." She chuckled and tilted her head back, giving him access to her neck, which he promptly took advantage of. His teeth nipped, tongue soothed, lips sucking the skin just hard enough to leave little red love marks on her pale skin. He rolled her onto her back and used his skilled hands to pull her shirt over her head, leaving her ample breasts bare to his gaze; at his insistence, she had stopped wearing undergarments to bed so, should they wake in the middle of the night to sate their desire for each other – and they did so often – there wasn't much clothing to get in their way. Well, complicated clothing. Bra hooks were too complicated when one was only half awake.

"Any ideas on what we could do for a couple hours to keep busy?" He asked, his expression carefully blank before he leaned down and drew his tongue around a pink nipple.

"Mmm, I am sure you can think of something," she chuckled, before she lost herself as his hand slipped into her shorts to find her core already wet for him, two fingers sliding deep to stroke her. "I have no doubt about that."


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **I am currently writing this at my anime convention; so, I will be gone for the next four-five days, but will try my best to update if I find myself with some downtime.

Thanks again, so much, for all the reviews, alerts, and favorites; I hate that I can't reply to each review individually, but know that they are appreciated! ^_^

_Disclaimer: Biowaaaaare._

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><p>The next three to four weeks that passed were uneventful, save for the rebuilding efforts by, not only the human race, but all the races combined – the Citadel had been returned to its home in the Serpent Nebula and, as Shepard stepped out of the SSV Normandy's Airlock, she was glad to see it was nearly as active as it had been. Most the refugees that had been stationed here when the Reapers took the Citadel had died, along with the council, and most of the Citadel's population – but if there was one thing life was, it was resilient. Shepard refused to let what the Reaper's had done change anything; the Reapers were gone, dead – forever this time – and they were free to go about their lives as they had before, the only exception being the decimation their perspective home worlds had suffered. They continued to rebuild, and even in the wake of the Reaper's devastation – they thrived(And Liara had finally written her, though it had been brief and congratulatory only).<p>

Hackett had asked her to deliver a message to the possibly council candidates about who would step up in Anderson's place as the human representative; that's why she was here, though she would be taking the opportunity to stop by Huerta Memorial and see how the pregnancy was faring. By her calculations, as well as Chakwas' readings, she was two months now – maybe a bit more – and just beginning to show a bit of a baby bump(as Kaidan affectionately called it). As well equipped as the SSV Normandy was, it _was_ a state of the art warship – their medical facility was nice, but if she wanted the best, the Citadel was the place to go; they had saved Kaidan, and that made her certain that she was going to the right place.

First, the Embassies.

Shepard walked through Docking Bay D24, into the elevator. "Spectre status recognized – which floor, Admiral Shepard?"

"Embassies." The doors closed and the elevator hummed as it moved her between floors before, after a minute or two, the doors opened and allowed her to step off into the Embassy Floor. There were several of each race chatting amongst themselves, and Turian guards stationed much like they had before – if she hadn't just experience the Reaper War, she may have thought she'd dreamt it. It was almost as if nothing had changed, unless you knew what you were looking for – she could see it; the desperation had caused them all to age some, lines on youthful faces, and eyes with more knowledge of death and despair than they should have.

The Turian guard at the bottom step greeted her with a salute, something that nearly set her off balance. She never recalled any Turian – save Garrus – that had ever seen her equal in rank or title. To see a Turian saluting her, acknowledging that, was nearly surreal. "The others await you in Udina's old office, Admiral." His dual-toned voice made her give him an almost nostalgic smile; he even looked a bit like Garrus.

"Thank you, but you don't need to salute me," she said with a slight half shrug of a shoulder.

"Negative, Admiral. You saved Palaven from the Reapers – if I didn't who you the respect you deserve, my mother would kick my ass." His mandibles fluttered in the way she had come to know was Turians smiling. Or grinning.

She chuckled and snapped off a return salute. "At ease, soldier. Keep up the good work." He moved and she passed by him, shaking her head with a small laugh; would the wonders never cease? She was beginning to feel like a commander of the galaxy, not just of the Alliance; it was a good thing she wasn't the egotistical sort, or this could have very well gone straight to her head. The walk to Udina's old office wasn't long and she was stepping in before she even realized it. Down the steps and to the left into the main room where she expected them to be waiting for her; the Asari was expected, as well as the Turian, and the Salarian(though after what the Dalatrass had tried to coerce her into doing, she was not all that fond of the Salarian hierarchy right now), but she was pleasantly surprised to see a Krogan – and not just any Krogan, but Eve.

"Eve!" Shepard greeted her warmly, clasping her hand and shaking it once she had offered it.

"Commander Shepard – it is pleasant to see you again."

"You have no idea how happy I am to see you," Shepard grinned. As much as she wanted to continue to talk to Eve, she had to speak the whole of them not just the Krogan. Her body turned slightly, so she could address them as they gathered close by. "Hackett sent me to negotiate who you will have taking place on the council as Humanity's representative. He said you had someone in mind."

The Asari nodded softly. "We do, yes."

"There really was no one else in mind; if there were, we would be as blind as the previous council was." The Salarian nearly scoffed, waving his hand almost dismissively as if the conversation was pointless, as if the decision was made, not just in consideration.

"It was a unanimous decision, Shepard." The Turian was next to step up. "If you would gladly accept, Admiral, we would like you to be Humanity's representative."

What – what? Shepard's brain nearly blacked out as shock settled in. Her? On the Council? Representing _all of humanity_?

"There is…no one else?" She asked cautiously; she made sure to keep her voice steady, not wanting to appear ungrateful.

"There is no one else, Shepard." Eve said as she folded her arms across her chest. She nodded, as if acknowledging it to herself. "If it weren't for you, there would be no galaxy to council, no races left to inhabit our worlds. You single handedly defeated the Reapers and are the best that humanity has to offer."

Her voice failed her, as did her words; they just wouldn't come to her. Her lips moved as she floundered for something to say, anything really. A gesture uncharacteristic of her, a hand raised and rubbed the back of her neck as her thoughts ran at nearly incoherent speeds. It was the kind of job Kaidan and she wanted her to have; out of the way, no fighting – and yes, important, because Kaidan said she deserved it. However, in the last three years the council had nearly died twice, and then actually did _die_. Though, the responsible parties were now quite literally six feet under thanks to Shepard.

Could she say no? _Should_ she say no?

"I have to admit that for once I find myself at a loss…" She chuckled softly.

"That's understandable, Shepard. It is not a decision to take lightly." The Salarian offered, helping to ease her mental anguish over her indecision.

"I would ask for some time to think on it, if that's acceptable."

"Of course, Shepard." Eve took her hand again and shook it, clasping her arm in a warrior's gesture. "Please, give it some thought – you would do great, I know it without a doubt."

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><p>Shepard's mind was nearly in a whirl as she left the Embassies and took the lift to Huerta Memorial; whether she should take the job, she needed to discuss it with Kaidan, ask her friends, along with all the thoughts that came with her pregnancy. There were risks to joining the council, she knew, but she would also be better protected – Kaidan could be assigned as a fellow Spectre to be a personal bodyguard. Something she knew he could do with his impressive biotic abilities. Despite their differences, she knew she could trust him to watch over her – he would not risk any harm to her or the baby.<p>

The baby…she could find out the sex, if she wanted. Earlier detection was possible in this age. She wondered if she should ask, or leave it for later, as she moved off the lift and into the lobby of the hospital. It was calm, and quiet, a nice change from how hectic it had been during the war.

"Spectre," the woman at the desk greeted her with a nod.

"I have an appointment with Dr. Michel."

"Ah, yes, I believe she mentioned that. Through the hall, first room on the right." Shepard smiled slightly, almost nostalgic; the same room Kaidan had been hospitalized in. Fate had a strange sense of humor.

Shepard thanked the receptionist and moved down the familiar path, the one she walked many times when visiting Kaidan, both when he was conscious and when he wasn't; even now, he still wasn't aware of how often she had visited him when he was unconscious, sitting at his bedside, holding his hand and praying to every and all Gods that he wasn't taken from her like so many others that had come before him, friends and otherwise. Dr. Michel was waiting for her when she walked into the hospital room, her eyes lighting up when she saw her walk through the doors.

"Commander Shepard! So good to see you!" She exclaimed. "I am so happy for you, a baby iz such a wonderful thing." Her smile was almost infectious, the corner of Shepard's lips twitching ever so slightly. "If you can lie on ze bed, we can get started and make sure all is well with the pregnancy."

Chuckling to herself, Shepard moved to the bed and sat back, lying there and looking up at the ceiling for a long moment. Dr. Michel hit a series of keys on her console, then fired up her omni tool, syncing the two; a sensory rod whirled to life and Dr. Michel moved it to settle just over her slightly extended abdomen. She felt the warmth as the sensory machine did its work, mapping her abdomen, her womb, and the life growing there as Dr. Michel's omni tool took all the normal sensory readings that were necessary. The whole procedure only took a few minutes and it was over before Shepard had too much time to dwell on it – the slight, few moments she had to think were spent praying there was nothing wrong with her baby. After all they had been through, Fate would get a serious ass kicking from her if something was wrong with the one perfect thing her life had been given(well, besides Kaidan).

"Alright, you can zit up, Shepard." She did as the doctor said and stretched slightly, popping her back.

"Good news I hope?" Shepard asked cautiously.

"I would like to think so." Dr. Michel smiled. Almost beamed. Shepard's brows rose slightly. "Everything iz healthy with your babies."

Wait – did she say _babies_? As in more…than one? "W-what?" Shepard's voice cracked and she cleared her throat.

"Two babies – twins to be exact. Both girls."

Oh lord. _Not one baby, __**TWO**_.

…And now she had even more to tell Kaidan; this was turning out to be an interesting day, to say the least.

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><p><strong>AN: **I apologize for any mistakes, as I said before, I am at my anime convention so my brain probably isn't entirely all here; regardless, I hope you like the update! All reviews are loved - loooovvveeeeed. :D


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: **Thank you all so much for your continued reviews and support! The majority of you love the fic and for that, you have my eternal thanks; nothing is more thrilling than to know you all enjoy what I write. I am sorry it took a week to update. The convention wipes me out completely, energy-wise. I hope this has been worth the wait.

_Disclaimer: All ME related things belong to Bioware._

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><p>"What did you want to talk about?" Kaidan asked as he sat back on the sofa, watching with a curious gaze as Shepard paced the confines of her cabin. She looked anxious and nervous; biting her lip each time she glanced over at him – almost as if what she had to tell him would send him running for the hills. The smile was betraying him, tilting his lips upwards ever so slightly. How did a woman of her integrity, her strength, manage to look so cute when she was worried?<p>

"Well let's just say this day has been filled with a number of surprises," she huffed, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Nothing bad I hope," he chuckled.

"I…I don't think so," she answered, giving him a somewhat hesitant smile. "That all depends on your reaction, I suppose."

"Oh – well, you certainly have my attention now." He sat forward, bracing his elbows on his thighs, giving her a mock intense amber gaze, cocking a brow. He tried to keep his lips steady, but they twitched, betraying him.

She stared at him for a long moment, before she started laughing, shaking her head. A hand scooped up one of the sofa pillows, tossing it at him – he merely chuckled, using his biotics to stop the pillow and let it fall at his feet. "Cheater," she mumbled, to which he shrugged his shoulders and sat back again. "You're impossible, you know that right?"

"Of course Commander." He chuckled.

"As long as you know," she shook her head again and moved to the edge of her bed, sitting there on the mattress and leaning back on her hands. Her iridescent silver gaze was on him, almost studying him, and he knew she was doing _that thing_ again – weighing her options, going over the pro's and con's of what she had to say. As a soldier, and a leader, it was something she had learned to do out of necessity; while it was something he admired, at the same time he wanted to shake her and tell her there were things to life besides missions and war. He wanted to be here with her, even if in the wake of the war she was having trouble adjusting to what they would call a peaceful life – even if the galaxy was in chaos trying to rebuild.

"I'm not going to run, if that's what you are thinking, Shepard."

"You say that now," she huffed and turned her gaze to the window in her ceiling; whereas the stars were nearly all she could see from here, being docked at the Citadel, she could see much of the arm they were docked upon. It was such an ingenious structure – a marvel of a race they would likely never understand. "I spoke to the council candidates about their human representative."

"Did they have someone in mind?" He asked, genuinely curious – whomever they chose, he just hoped it wouldn't turn into another…Udina. To think he had almost taken that man's word over Shepard's.

"Yes, actually they did. They want _me_ on the council."

Kaidan's brows rose nearly into his dark – slightly greying – hair. Well…that was not entirely unexpected. He probably would have put her up as a candidate himself had he been in their position. Shepard, by far, was the obvious choice. "What did you tell them?" He asked finally.

"That I needed time to think it over; I at least wanted to talk to you about it first." He nodded at her words. "Kaidan…it was a shock, to be honest. I have always been a survivor, a fighter, not a diplomat. I am no politician."

"Perhaps this will be good for you, Shepard." She looked at him, surprise evident on her features. He offered a reassuring smile, waving emphatically with a hand. "The war is over. Things are…peaceful enough. You're pregnant and retiring; we talked about finding you an easier job. The council could be just what you need. And as a council Spectre, I would always be at your side; I'm not about to let another Coup try to separate us again anytime soon."

Shepard seemed to mull over his words in silent contemplation, before she gave a slightly hesitant nod. "You may be right. I…will take what you have said into serious consideration, Kaidan. Thank you." Getting up from the bed, she moved toward the sofa, instead seating herself just beside him now. "That's not all I wanted to talk to you about."

"I figured as much," he chuckled, linking his hand with hers and lacing their fingers together; it was strange, how well they fit together, even with something so simple as this. "You can tell me anything, Shepard. You know that."

"I do know that," she smiled and leaned against him for a moment. They shared the comfortable silence for a few moments, content to be able to sit here like this, with no worries weighing them down. Finally she straightened and angled herself to face him, though she did not pull her hand away from his. "I saw Dr. Michel while I was on the Citadel."

"About the baby?" She nodded, though the sight of her biting her lip again had him cautiously pessimistic about the news she had to share with him. They had been through so much already…he hoped, beyond hoped, the news was good. It _had_ to be. "Shepard?"

"Please, please, don't freak on me," she almost whispered the words like a prayer. "I am trying not to panic myself at the moment; if you panic, I may not be able to help myself."

"I will do my best?" He smiled slightly, a brow arched.

"The babies are fine." She bit her lip again – vaguely he wondered if she had ever made it bleed the way she nibbled on it. Her gaze was watching him so intently, he wondered why; the babies were fine, right? So why did she look so worried? Or like someone had just stolen her puppy?

"Well…that's good, Shepa –" And then, like a bucket of ice cold water, it hit him. He felt like someone punched him in the gut and robbed him of his breath. Eyes wide, he stared at her, analyzing her from every vantage point – ever so vaguely he was weighing the option that she _could _be messing with him. When she gave no slip, no indication of a jest, he asked, "Did you just say babies – as in, more than one?"

"Yes," she whispered the word, adverting her gaze. "And, you were right about something – not only are we having twins, but they are both girls."

It was silent for a long, long moment as Shepard's heart pounded against her breastbone and pounded like a drum in her ears. Oh god, he was panicking, wasn't he? She was afraid to look back at him and see that she was right. When his gentle laughter hit her ears, she thought she'd finally lost it. Her gaze slid back to him, to find his face alight with joy and a grin that could shatter glass across his face.

"Two girls, huh?" He finally asked, although rhetorically, when his laughter subsided. "Can't say that I am surprised – no, wait, I am surprised, well…you know what I mean." He chuckled again, bringing her scarred hand to his lips to kiss it gentle.

"You…you're fine with this?" She swallowed thickly.

"Of course I am!" He wrapped his free arm around her and brought her against him. "You were worried over that?"

"Well…yeah. It's not like I have ever had to tell a guy I'm having his baby, much less two of them. I wasn't sure how you would react," she sighed the confession against his neck, leaning her cheek against his shoulder.

"You should know me better than that by now, Shepard. If I stood at your side to fight the Reapers, you should have known I wouldn't run at the thought of being a father to twins…as intimidating as the thought is."

"True enough." She raised her head and they shared a gentle kiss. "Thank you, Kaidan, I mean it. I don't think I could have done this – any of this – without you."

"I have made my mistakes, Shepard - I don't plan on making any more." He trailed his fingers through her hair, caressing the strands before he leaned his head down to find her lips again. A gentle caress that soon turned into a passionate melding of their lips. After a moment, he lifted his head and nearly found himself drowning in her unique gaze. "I love you, Anvi. No matter what your job is, how many babies we have, no matter what happens - that will never change. I should be the one thanking you."

"For what, Kaidan?"

"For giving me another chance, for letting me redeem the fool who turned his back on you. Your death...I may as well have died with you; it was hell getting over you, and I never really did. I let my bitterness and my mistrust of Cerberus control me. Thank-you for _your _trust. I won't let you down again, I promise." He wiped a tear that threatened to spill from her eye, kissing her softly again.

"Kaidan Alenko, I will make you pay for making me cry," she chuckled.

"I look forward to it, Shepard."

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><p>Shepard and Major Alenko stood before the council candidates as they reconvened at Shepard's behest in Udina's old office; soon to be her office, she realized. Eve seemed happy to see her back, and Shepard knew, could she see her face, she would have seen a grin there. The thought had her missing Wrex all of a sudden and his grins. That's right…Eve and Wrex were going to be parents too, weren't they?<p>

That thought alone made Shepard feel more at ease.

"I believe you have given our offer consideration?" Nixa, the Asari, asked.

"I have, yes."

"I would hope you gave it a due amount of consideration," Kirin, the Salarian, added.

Shepard nodded as she folded her hands behind her back, straightening her spine. "I have. I did not take it lightly, I assure you."

"That is good," this time it came from Beckinax the Turian. Shepard felt better knowing their names; after all, she would be working closely with them, wouldn't she? "You have an answer then?" His mandibles fluttered slightly, head tilting a bit in what she could now recognize as curiosity, thanks to being around Garrus so much.

Again, she nodded. "I, Admiral Anvi Shepard of the Alliance, formally accept your offer to name me as Human Councilor to the Citadel Council." She cocked her head to indicate Kaidan as he came to stand directly at her side. "Spectre Alenko has asked that he be assigned as Council protection and I have not denied him. He was here, protecting the Council, when Cerberus attempted to take over with Udina's help. I believe him to be the very best, both as a soldier and as a biotic."

"You will hear to argument from me, Shepard," Eve admitted, extending her hand to shake it with both, first Kaidan, then Shepard. The other Councilors agreed as well.

"It is settled then," Beckinax said with a nod. "Welcome to the Council Shepard."

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><p><strong>AN: **I apologize for the shortness of this update, but with a time skip being the next course of action, I found it best to end it here for the time being. Reviews are love!


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **Thanks for your patience and all your reviews, and love! I struggled on where to start this next chapter and I hope it will have been worth the wait.

_Disclaimer: Belongs to Bioware even if I have fun playing with their toys._

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><p>Shepard had faced down sentient machines that could stomp her into the ground like a bug – and some nearly had. She had come face to face with a Reaper's destructive eye – beam ready to fire and disintegrate her. She had been thrown into space and suffered a slow, painful death as she fell through Alchera's atmosphere. She had survived Akuze, running and fighting, barely surviving Thresher Maws as they chased her down like prime prey. Mindoir – she had watched her home burn and fall to pieces as Batarians invaded.<p>

She was never more frightened than she was in this moment. It nearly made her want to dissolve into laughter, had she not been so utterly terrified.

What was it about child birth that struck fear into a woman's soul? The pain it would bring, the anxiety and worry of the baby's health, the worry of her own health – there were so many reasons, and she couldn't settle on one, so she accepted them all as why she was nearly hysterical.

Kaidan was at her side, for which she could be grateful. Feet up in the stir-ups with Dr. Michel between her legs, urging her to push as another wave of excruciating pain washed over her. She couldn't hear them, not Kaidan's reassuring words, or the doctor's urging; her heart was pounding louder than an army's feet, deafening her even to her own screams. Maybe it was the soldier in her that told her she could do this without pain meds, or maybe it was her will alone; something told her, almost in a primal way, that she could do this without medicine. She was strong, damnit, and she would show her children how strong she was from the moment they were born.

There was a wail and she fell back against the bed, her chest heaving. Kaidan's hand ghosted over her hair and he spoke words she couldn't make out. She gave him a weak smile, her gut already rippling with another wave of pain that came with contractions. Dr. Michel quickly passed off baby one to a nurse and was back, kneeling between her legs and urging her to push. Shepard tried to bite back the pitiful noises coming from her lips as she sat up with Kaidan's help, doing as the doctor bade her. It was so hard to breathe, to concentrate, her mind reeling and every nerve in her body screaming in pain.

Finally, it was over and she fell back against the bed, sweaty and breathing erratic. The pounding in her ears subsided and she could hear the babies as Dr. Michel and the nurses cleaned them up, checked over them. And even Kaidan, she could hear him now. Her eyes found his and she wanted to kick herself for it, but she immediately started bawling. He chuckled, smiled, and kissed her sweaty forehead, holding her to him.

"Two very healthy baby girlz," Michel announced as she and a nurse brought the swaddled babies toward them. Both her arms outstretched, Shepard trembled as the babies were laid in her embrace and she brought them against her chest.

Her weeping eyes dropped to stare into two perfect, nearly angelic faces. Kaidan's eyes were looking up at her, wide, from both faces, but the orange hued hair they sported was all Shepard's. Pale, chubby cheeked, perfect little beings _she_ had given life to.

"Congratulationz you two. I will give you a moment alone." Shepard nodded, but couldn't tear her eyes away from the babies she held. The door hissed and she knew they were alone with their children. _Their children. _It was a mind-numbing, surreal realization, even though she had been carrying them inside her for months. What had felt like a dream, was now reality.

"They're so…cute," Kaidan admitted with a chuckle, touching the tip of his finger to one nose, then the other. Both babies nearly went cross-eyed and she laughed.

"Don't torture the poor things." She sighed as they situated, making room for him on the bed beside her and she laid her head against his shoulder. "We never did decide on names, did we?"

"No, not really; I believe each argument led to…other things." Her hormones had nearly made it impossible for them to debate anything; every argument ended with her pinning him to the bed and having her wicked, wanton way with him. Not that he had minded, it just seemed like they had never been able to get much done.

"What did you suggest? I forgot." She chuckled and turned her head to kiss his lips as the babies cooed.

"I do believe I said Rhiannon, and Katherine." He returned her kiss, even dared to deepen it, before pulling back with a playful tug on her lower lip. "I think that's when you snapped back at me that they were too girly and names like that would make them soft."

Shepard groaned. "Was I really that bad?"

"I am afraid so." They fell into an amused silence, looking down into their children's faces. Their eyes seemed to be taking in every feature of her and Kaidan's face and she wanted to laugh at how concentrated they seemed to be. There was little to no difference in their faces and she dreaded identical twins; what if she mixed them up all the time? What kind of mother would she be then?

"There, a little mole on her jaw just under her ear."

Shepard blinked and looked at him strangely. "What are you on about?"

He met her eyes and laughed softly. "You were wondering how to tell them apart."

"I was no- okay, I was." She sighed dramatically. "How did you know?"

He grinned, almost sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "I was wondering the same myself."

She couldn't help the fit of laughter that came then, in the form of rumbling chuckles that had the babies looking at her strangely. One seemed to be drifting, lashes fluttering as blinks stretched out until her eyes remained shut. "Well, at least there is something." She watched then as the other seemed to give up and follow her sister, asleep in a matter of moments; poor things must have been exhausted. Birth _had _to be a traumatizing experience.

"Rhiannon, and…Riley." He said then. When she looked at his face curiously, he pointed to the one with the birthmark. "Riley." Then he pointed to the other. "Rhiannon."

"I suppose that's a decent compromise." She chuckled and leaned against him, Kaidan sliding his arm behind her head and holding her and their daughters against his side. "Rhiannon and Riley Alenko."

"Alenko?" His brows raised at the one.

"Not so much pressure that way. Sure, it will be known that they're children of Shepard, but at least the name won't be weighing them down." She chuckled. "Or whatever. Personally, I think Shepard is something that should stay with me. A rather unusual name. I think Alenko is better anyway. And we'll be married soon – so it's only right they have your name."

He chuckled. "Even if you won't."

"Hey now – I compromised. Anvi Alenko Shepard. Don't push your luck."

He leaned his head against hers and touched a hand to Riley's hair, stroking it gently. "Aye-aye Commander."

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><p><strong>AN: **Short I know, but rather to the point. A one-shot will be accompanying this soon, so keep an eye out for it – my 100th reviewer requested a fic that had Garrus and Tali babysitting. That should be fun! Thanks for reading as always and all reviews are appreciated!


	15. Author's Note

**A/N: **I have been reading into the indoctrination theory for quite some time and find it very compelling; as much as I have enjoyed writing this fic, I find it unjustified. I have lost the motivation to continue it along this path but will instead be re-writing it. Please add 'Author Alert' if you would like a notification when it is reposted. A lot of it will be kept the same – it will be Shepard/Alenko, they will have their twins, and I will also be still writing the one-shot of Garrus/Tali babysitting that my 100th reviewer requested.

I apologize and please, please, do not flame me for this. If you feel the need to rant/rave then please don't comment at all; I have loved every review that I have gotten on this story, and hope to see many of you present for the rewrite.

Thank-you,

DA


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